InNoCeNc3-KiLl3d

=.=

2012-01-18T17:55:00.003+08:00

JC is really different. its like you can't even trust your closer friends (AND FACEBOOK) anymore. just rant abit abt this unpleasant and frustrating incident A and person A and see what happens. person A will sms you the very next day requesting for heart to heart talk. yea right =.= i know that you are trying to access the whole situation and also trying to improve yourself but cant you see that when i'm pissed, I JUST DUN WANNA TALK TO YOU? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I JUST WANNA CALM DOWN AND GET THIS THING OVER WITH, WITHOUT ANY CONFRONTATIONS? coz confrontation is the last thing anybody needs now. plus i'm sure i wun really have any say in whatever you've decided already. So... what the fuck is the bloody point of having this time-consuming, awkward, unpleasant talk? since i always have the more minimal say, what is the point in asking me to speak up now, when all history proves that no one listens when i'm making a point? like anything will change? And don't you see that when i dun tell you straight out that i'm pissed at you, i'm trying to restrain myself and not strain the current situation and any bonds (cca, friendship, blah blah) we have?
Bloody hell. now all that i have buried in yesterday's matters are now forcefully and violently dug out. and i'm more pissed! at you! When i'm only pissed with the situation yesterday!

*practicing my Poker Face, the ultimate disguise*

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

To nurse myself...

2012-01-14T13:58:00.002+08:00

After looking at anime guys for god knows how long, now searching for shuai ge. eye candyyyyyy!! and for various reasons such as to fade off a bit of feeling, to give my energy to face tutorials and JC2!!! Lee HongKi. Cho KyuHyun. YeSung. Lee JoonKi. Ian 方伟杰. Jiro Wang. Aaron Yan. Danson Tang. Nicholas Tse........ ice-cream for the eyes =))

2011-12-12T23:42:00.003+08:00

Finished reading You Are The Apple Of My Eye by Giddens =) DAMN NICE CAN~

And amidst all the things going on in my life now, I'm rather surprised that I keep keeeeeep keeeeeeeeep on thinking abt that idiot who isn't seen in my life anymore. At least not for a few months le. Like, what the hell la. It seems like I haven't advanced at all from where I left off in J1 June Holidays. Or Sec 4 graduation. or since the start of everything in sec 3. I, have been and have always been walking on that same spot, and searching for you, idiot you, your silhouette, your shadow, every little thing that is yours, belonged to you or reminds me of you while you advance forward to your new life, perfectly (or even better) without me. Not left behind, not forgotten, but simply just.... different paths. I'm still searching for mine, though.

Seriously, I'm surprised myself, really. And how did I prove this? Even a single glimpse of your school's PE t-shirt caught out of the corner of my eye can:

1) send my heart racing

2) drop a nuclear bomb in my head and bombard every single strand of thought I have

3) stop my breathing and heart for a moment. Until I realise it wasn't you.

So much for heart attacks, eh? Exactly the same, if not, an even bigger effect (if possible) on me as compared to... ever since it happened.

It used to be, time over time, again and again, I keep searching for that unique aura, walking stance, sitting stance, standing posture, voice, smile, specs, way of carrying yourself with the school uniform, hand gesture, bag, shoe... everything of yours. Now, add on your new school uniform and pe attire to that list. Seriously, I swear I'm not stalking you (in the sense I didn't stalk your fb, msn, sms, school life, everything.) but I feel like I am (coz i keep searching? and 失神 looking at a person who, in whichever possible way, resemble you even a little). @#$% Even I despise myself. Therefore, no matter how light a joke is, even if its April's Fool, I will not tell you. Even if you already know it (only the matter, not the depth of it), and even if i know that you already know it (and at a time earlier than i realised it myself!), I will still not say anything. Coz I do not want to disrupt your peaceful life, your vibrant life, with your future shining brightly infront of you, without me, your ex-table mate, ex- chatterbox, ex-classmate, ex-schoolmate.

*I like you. But thats none of your business. In this awkward phase of life, feeling and age, let me liking you stay as my own secret.*

狮子座-逞强型

对感情最为痴情最为依赖的星座第三名：狮子座

HAIZ

at the end of J1

2011-11-16T00:17:00.004+08:00

16 Nov.

haha so long nvr post le. Guess its kind of good? since the blog craze died down, can rant on blog le =) haiz. got fb also not much use la seriously. wanna rant also cannot, since fb is the craze now and pretty much everyone can see your post. so even if you bu shuang someone den you go post on fb, that person will get it, other people will know and it just complicates things. sian ji bua.

anw now that J1 is ending.... time to charge up and prepare for year 2. HAIZ

overall, this year:

spent alot of $$

got alot of new responsibilities

learnt a lot a lot of new things

got stressed alot

got nagged at a lot a lot

requently got pissed off or frustrated or poker face. But since ppl are supposed to be mature, you have to hold it in and pretend everything is ok. I. Hate. This. Way. But oh well. one more year and i'll eff off liao so no biggie. just poker face till then lor.

learnt to study (study didn't appear in my life until sec 3 for 2 month and in sec 4 for 1 month)

.....

and alot of other things la. got to know and get in contact with a lot of different kind of people. half of them whom I don't really wanna bother with. yala i suck in social skills la. so? thats just me.

a realllly short post.

2011-04-22T11:02:00.002+08:00

now, now. Don't you just LOVE it when you've been waiting all your sucky life to just get this ONE call, and this call rang!!! when you're in the middle of MusicFest! and you can't answer it =.= FML seriously. and it ended bad with me feeling damn damn guilty.
and yea, it was sarcasm in case ppl just don't get it.
I don't know how I managed to make a huge mess of everything, but yea. i guess i kind of managed to.

Out with the blues!

2011-04-18T00:39:00.002+08:00

Although studying wasn't very successful (ok la. got a bit waste his time, with all the walking around in Bishan, me asking questions for... 2 hours! *faint*) but very happy =D dunno why jiu very happy =) got next meeting leh!!!! xDDDDDD (I will go do research on good places de.) And once again, my stupidity was proven by how easily I'm bluffed =.= why doesn't my alarm alert work against him arh??? should i be frustrated?? >< Acquired new facts!!! xD ok fine, I realised that I'm not making any sense to anyone other than myself with this post... But who cares, I'm the only reading it xP Currently stuck on Tell Me by WG/ SNSD. Dunno why, a sudden discovery of songs.... no matter. Tell me tell me te te te te te tell me na rul sarang han da go nal gi da ryo wat da go Tell me tell me te te te te te tell me ne ga pil yo ha da mal le mal le jo yo Tell me tell me te te te te te tell me ja gu man dut go shi po ge sok ne ge mal he jo Tell me tell me te te te te te tell me guni ani ra go mal le mal le jo yo ~ ok I have to stop high-ing and get started on my sadistic PI T.T Looking forward to Fri!!!!! xDDD

347- busy sehhhh

2011-04-13T22:25:00.002+08:00

Wah. The blog is like, deadddd....... Anw, today just happened to be a self-given slacking day... I mean, slacking hours.... Later have to chiong PI (horrible) tutorials (terrible) dinner (vegetable).... yea. the list goes on. No matter. Today, while going to school, I saw... JING RONG on bus 82 to hougang!!! Omg like, so shocked! happy! smiley smiley =DD I really think that meeting your sec school friends now make you feel better by, like, A WHOLE LOT!! Not that JC friends not good la. But the feel and familarity is just so very different. I miss the good old times... Wah, i sound so old =.= the good old times were not more than 2 or 4 years ago.... Actually I think the best time was 16 years ago la =D just that tt time dun have many friends and hanging out.... I MISS JUBEAT! >< I MISS ANIME!! I MISS EVERYTHING AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON I MISSED!!!! but no point la. won't come back liao. can only move on and occasionally meet up.... Anw, plans for these few days: Wed (later)- dinner, PI, tutorial, sleep. Thu (up to 4.25pm)- chiong tutorials. chiong homework..PI...Reports... Thu (after 4.25pm)- RELAX, focus on the awesome tkd things... throw away all school tutorials etc. Prepare things. SLEEP DAMN DAMN DAMN EARLY =DDDDDDD Fri- wake up damn damn damn damn early (4+ or 5am) reach school on time (6.30am) Focus and relax and perform damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn well for competition! Or at least as well as I can do =] && celebration afterwards for everybody's success! First place! Gold! FULL DAY!!!! (hm...) &&try to sleep and rest early Sat- Whole day at Paint the Houses. volunteering for a great cause! Sun- SUPER CHIONG school things. ALL SCHOOL THINGS. Mon- haiz another week lor. =.= & I wonder when the phy-and-maths-and-bluff-ppl-Pro will have time to teach me the un-understandable chapters >< Pros are all so very busy.... & I wonder when will ceh meh, pondan, SL chin bee, jas, zhu-di, po popo etc... have time to meet up (separately or smaller group also can =D) we can go slack, chat, play, mug....... whatever we can do, if we can meet up. No matter. keep hoping and looking forward! K now is 10.42pm. I go do some stuffs, den i will start on my planned schedule (from dinner onwards) JIA YOU! BEST OF LUCK! FOCUS! ~friday friday~VJC TKD CAN DO IT! WOOSHH!!! ~full day full day~ if not, ~half day half day~

Back to NCHS

2011-03-27T11:53:00.002+08:00

Went back to NCHS two days ago. The in-hall period was damn sian.... stupid prize presentation... No Money One!!!!! >=( but outside of that was fun/happy? lols. Class dinner was held at Pizza Hut.... Too bad quite a lot of ppl cant make it..... I only spammed pics with Farren's camera so I dun have any pics with me... well, maybe I have 2 pics. but I'll upload them some other time. maybe on fb, maybe here, maybe never =P && I hate myself for being affected =(

345: a day to emo?

2011-02-24T22:51:00.003+08:00

After meeting up with Jia Lin and seeing Jun Papi & Jason this tue, the feelings got stronger than before. And stupid him doesn't know. Coz I never tell. Well, I wouldn't wanna get him all guilty and upset and awkward would i? Haiz. 1 year plus plus going to 2 years and counting. How many days have it been since then?
Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
Coz I see Sparks Fly
Whenever you Smile
& Taylor Swift continues to haunt me =]
haiz. it used to be the last two sentence. now, sorry hor. dun even see the lighter or the fuel or even anything flammable, where got sparks la....... haiz.
& I know that there will not be a second lighter with fuel anf flammable items. At least not in the recent days/months/years.
Who knows that I had already sunk so deep before I even realise it myself?

2011-02-20T23:24:00.002+08:00

Went back to NC for youth mentor thing. I think I forgot to sign up for it =(
Anw. I was quite looking forward to it all week, coz it means that I can finally meet with my friends after like, one month? But then.... I think that I have sort of lost the connection with them. Its just a feeling. I dunno if I'm overthinking or what.... But it feels like, everyone is still good friends with one another, and I'm just distant from all of that.... The feeling that they give off is all... Different now. Not like the time when we were very close. But maybe its just me.
Before I saw them, I was all happy and excited... But after taking a look around the room... Something doesn't feel right, as mentioned above. And I felt down for the whole day coz of that. Its like. I don't belong in NC anymore. They all have their own new lives, new social circle, new schedule, and the feel is just... Missing. The school doesn't welcome me (big deal). I don't really belong in VJ, although I quite like it there. Somehow I feel like I'm being left behind. But by who, though?
God damn la. When did I become so sentimental and emotional? Grrr.....
I'd better stop being like this. Dampening everyone's mood..... Haiz. Time to restrain and hold back.

2011-02-05T06:10:00.001+08:00

very busy and tired.... i'll just summarise vj in one sentence. I think I'll like VJC alot =)

Sigh.

2011-01-26T08:28:00.003+08:00

Yay, I got into Victoria Junior College....
I once hoped that this day would never come, the day when I will be officially separated into different schools and region on the Earth from my friends. But of course, you can hope but you cannot stop it from happening. So, here I am, 26 Jan 2011, a happy(?) alumni of NCHS (with its fucking new idiotic principal- to hell with you man... er. i mean go to hell alone!) who is now posted to VJ. Should I be happy? Its a new start I guess. But I don't have time to learn everything from the start..... Sigh.
Been sick the past few days... Shall not talk about that.
Well, I've been considerably busy over this holiday. work, TV, outing, gathering, work, sleep, computer, work, play, read, work........ Earning a lot of money and spending quite a sum of it. But oh well, I earned much more than i spent.
The outings and gatherings I went to (and am able to go to...) were quite fun. A different feeling each time. 4A outings..... 2A chalet.... some small and fun meet ups here and there...... Thats some memorable events I guess. Its the first time that I think I will miss my friends. Of course, I won't be missing the people I don't like. (who wants to miss those bitches and blabbermouths and idiots anyway? Not that there are many of them.....)
Its complicated. As our very responsible de chairman (ceh meh) JL said, its hard to keep in contact with us going different schools (or different type of school) and a lot of us having different interests. Thats true. Different schedules, different problems, different courses, different location... Hard to stay as close as we are now. Hopefully, we won't drift too far apart.
To bre truthful, it is always hard for me to be in a new environment. I can always hide it, but I can't deny it. Being the violent and antisocial emo kia.... (although JL says that I've changed a lot...) The social side aside, there is also CCAs and Classes to worry about. Which CCA should I take, JC is a short but long journey, and although i am super damn interested in Air Rifle, I haven't any experience on that and..... well theres also the CCA duration and time and intensity of training to think about. (stupid =P nchs.... why never offer air rifle la!) and then, there is the choices of courses. I guess K&I is above my level. I can only manage sarcasm, not critical thinking... so GP it will be. and then, MT is out of my list as I took HCL (with horrible results way below my expectation. but oh well, its over le). then next will be.... PW, Econs, Chem, Maths... The usual. But the question is, Physics or Biology? I took up triple science in Sec 3 (or opted for in Sec 2) partly because I knew that I will have to study harder to score for Humanities (which I SO do not want to do) and that I do not want to make a choice between phy and bio. Well, the time have arrived. Phy or Bio?? RAWR >< Headache. Well, plan for today is: (if my coughing gets better, which is highly impossible, work whole day) go out (maybe get Ezekiel his haagen dazs?). Jubeat! Return Library book. Buy hair dye and dye my hair back!! maybe buy Koi or Each a cup? maybe catch a movie? maybe get a new school bag? and den go home early to sleep early to wake up damn early tomorrow. REPORT TO VJ AT 7.30am!!! WHEN I NORMALLY SLEEP AT 6!!!! siao man. cannot cannot. better kick my nocturnal habits.

2011-01-24T17:30:00.002+08:00

Seriously, why fall ill now of all times? Now I've missed out on the class zoo trip... Maybe the only one class zoo trip that is ever going to be held... Great. What next? This is getting me real pissed off.

Stupid virus.....

2011-01-19T17:20:00.002+08:00

Haiz. I was still fine yesterday. Who knows that I would have a fever this morning, without any signs.... LRT-ed and MRT-ed from kangkar to sengkang to serangoon to bishan to newton.... continued with telemarketing. and den, the fever got worse. had to leave early. den dragged my body all the way back home, feeling dizzy and nauseous and like i could faint anytime. Suay arh~ and because of this stupid 39.0 degree celsius fever, i couldn't eat lunch with chin bee in school (my tom yum!!! ><) and i couldn't send off the indonesia crews at changi airport. Stupid fever, you'd better be gone quick! >=(

2011-01-14T02:40:00.002+08:00

Got back O results. happy, sad, its all set. where to go now, thats the problem.
If i go VJ, i may not be able to see my friends..... i may not be able to pester him abt maths.... i may not be able to pester her abt my troubles... i may not be able to pester her abt whether kuromi or my melody or Ducky is cuter (kuromi of course!)... i may not be able to pester her for section outing.... i may not be able to pester him abt mahjong session and poket money... i may not be able to pester her abt nak hon kitchen... i may not be able to pester her abt going out tgt...
TJ, NYJ, NJ, AJ, MJ all the same..... HAIZ. sianzzz...
For the first time in my life, I am already missing you (, you and you! ><) even before I get the confirmed news tt we are to be separated..... Well. I only started to miss my pri sch friends a very very very little bit after i started schooling in NCHS for like, a few months. =.=
I am so very troubled. Like's complicated. My life seems upside down, inside out and in a gigantic mess whenever i think of life without you guys. Haiz. I didn't know tt some friends could be so impt and so deep-rooted in my life. some kind of antisocial Devil i am supposed to be. or maybe its precisely because of my being antisocial tt my closer friends are even more impt.
SIAN LA

338th. a new start? new worries.

2011-01-09T20:33:00.002+08:00

Ah, its late... but year 2010 is over, and before i knew it, its already the 9th day into year 2011. && Tmr is the release of 'O' level result! Come to think of it, i really screwed up a lot of papers. i hope the results i will be getting will not be too bad ><
Nah, i'll leave that until tmr 2pm =) I'll just enjoy my carefree time now!!

A lesson learnt today.

2010-12-24T17:07:00.002+08:00

This, is an adults' world.
No one will realise that you are reporting for work even though you are sick as hell and can faint anytime. You will have to put up a strong front and do your best in work, even though no one appreciates you.
Today, I got scolded by a fucking idiotic old virgin "customer" today. "Bloody shit. You don't know how to serve people." Thank you very much. I can touch my heart and say that I served you with all my might, and that with your attitude and the way you ask about the drinks, you won't be able to receive an even more polite reply and service than mine. That nerve of that bitch.
But its ok. I guess she has a screw loose somewhere in her head. or maybe its more than a screw.
But what matters the most is..... No one really seems to care. All they do after witnessing that scene is ask what happens, say some nonsense or do something of little use or they do nothing at all. Managers also like that, even my own brother also like that. And then I realised. In this world, in this society, don't expect anyone to sympathise with you. Don't think that just because you are younger, people will treat you nicely like a sister. Don't expect anyone to "entertain" your hurt feelings or your sick body or your tired mind because they are too hung up with all their work and their own life to care about you.
Yes, through a though small yet extremely unpleasant encounter today, I learnt all of these.
No, to put it in more exact words. It reinforced this logic of the world and society in me today.
I guess that I should really have ought to grow up and become more mature.
And so, I shall change. I will become even stronger, more matured, more independent and more cold-hearted. I guess that this will be the only way to prevent this kind of situation from happening again. No, not preventing ugly faggot bitches from appearing infront of me. But to not be affected by them, and to believe in my professionalism instead of being concerned about how they judge me. After all, I receive zillion times more compliments from customers than this kind of petty and idiotic remarks.
And no, in case you haven't realised, I'm not whining. I am trying to grow up, with Sebastian Michaelis as my role model. And I would like to believe that I would reach at least half of his standard one day.
I will not be affected by anyone anymore.

2010-12-21T00:40:00.002+08:00

Changkay Changi Epiphany IV is over! quite a success! fun =)
& i thought i would be more free after that. life proved me otherwise. haiz.
Nowadays, working almost every weekday morning/afternoon as telemarketer. after that, almost every day at café. damn busy. to earn money! omg. when did i become a workaholic for money? wake up at 7, 9-12 work at newton. lunch. 3-11++ at café. reach home at 12. sleep around 2-4. den the whole cycle repeats. tiring man! I can't say i love busy schedules and i can't say that i hate them either. but i should at least arrange for more time to rest. hmm...
TIRED! WHOLE BODY ACHING!
& my dear brain (which needs to get busy in order to... .... ...) and my dear bank account (whose content is decreasing, decreasing, increasing, increasing)... THIS IS ALL FOR YOU TWO!!! RAWR!
I think i need a rest. my hands too. they're really dry and cracking and bleeding =(

335th, H-A-I-Z! but den,... =)

2010-12-15T01:53:00.002+08:00

Got another job thanks to ChinBee and Farren (indirectly). Working as telemarketer during morning and McCafé (if have) in the afternoon. Might also be working another job (thanks to ChinBee's recommendation again!). now, no need to fret about money! =) just have to focus on doing job well, having enough clothes to wear (ah. have to go buy clothes again), getting enough sleep. Might also be playing MMORPG mfo =)
have to wake up tmr at 7... hope will make it la =)
&& I swear my self-control is slipping away mans. Hope it wun be another sad event. but even if it is, it will just be yet another sad event. I will overcome it. or at least i will try to.
JIA YOU!

334th

2010-12-13T02:23:00.002+08:00

Yea I'm breaking the magic. haiz.
Tired man... anw i just found out tt the buffet tt ching yee and jaslyn went to the day i went out with jodi is not the japanese sweets but is swensen's ice-cream buffet. So i guess i didn't really miss out on anything. I'm no fan of swensen's. their ice-cream not very nice to me la. and i prefer white tangerine's food =)
things to do:
1) attend dance lessons, buy the shoes.
2) work, work. find job with better pay. arrange schedule. give priority to better pay de job.
3) Changkat Changi sec de concert! MUST PREPARE AND PRACTICE SERIOUSLY! 17th!
4) buy manga, wait for sales^^
5) arrange movie marathon and mahjong session
6) go for 2A chalet
7) wait for section outing (aiya i think forget abt it la)
8) WATCH ANIME
9) watch drama??
10) find time to rest.
rawr. so many things to do. and its still not enough to keep my mind off things, although it feels as if my feet will be leaving the ground anytime soon..... My resistant mind.... haiz. But i'll try. =]
tired. dunno if my body can keep up with my mind or not.
today work café. tmr got dance lesson. den must rush off to AMK for attachment. tues must go band practice. wed got work. thurs band practice. fri concert. sat go out play. sun work. what a fulfilling week man. i think i'll be dead by wed. I'll try to make things work for the band concert. after all, guest players can't be the one spoiling the concert. haiz. TIRED!
i must find a job with better pay. (rants abt how sucky work at Mc is...)
fine no use complaining all the time. shall conserve energy for the hectic tmr!
PS. hope tmr, well this week in general, will be a great week! with time to rest and not to get pissed off too much.

&&-I hope, Barae.
Even if I look at you again, you you are my love
Even if I look at you hundreds of times, I I am your love
It was written in heaven, you're my love
You just got lost for a moment
Even if I were born again, you're the only one I hope for
Even if I loved again, you're the only one I hope for
You will return, you will come back
Because I don't exist without you
~FT Island =)

333rd.

2010-12-10T16:11:00.006+08:00

K Box-ed ytd with Pei Xin & Jodi =)
Just returned from work. tired. pissed off. As I said before, out of the 100% of workers at McD, more than 70% are 1) idiots 2) retards 3) slow ppl. And i got drove halfway to my grave by a fellow Barista. KNS. And I didn't even see her face today.
Nothing seems to go right today. Even the msn messenger refuses to let me sign in. Everything pisses me off today. This kind of situation, lets even a lady (which I so am NOT) spew vulgarities (so you can actually imagine how much i cursed today), and makes ppl have a sudden urge of... being concerned about another's mother. In other words, makes ppl wanna scold (TA MA DE!!!!!).
Haiz. Thinking of whether should continue with dance or not. =(
Hurray once again, Life's being a... Lollipop again. It sucks. At least thats how i feel now.
Shall not post any further.
------------------------------------
Just a few more sentences. Since, as Ms Teo said, 3 is a magical number, and this is my 333rd post, therefore this should be a magical post (quadruple?). Although I don't know what can be so magical about it. =.= Anw anw back on the topic. To chase away these dark clouds above my mood, I'm gonna eat my lunch. Yea, due to work. I haven't eat anything since 9am. Its 5.17pm now. Hungry.... Oh msn let me sign in le!
And I think I'm giving dance another shot. On the face of that nice jie jie who taught me last week, and on the face of the teacher's (minimal) attention, and on the face, that very honourable face of Jaslyn Tay Ying. Bad news for my leg, I suppose.
I hope life works out. Somehow.
-----------------------------------
&& I'm getting over it. Still trying to.
-----------------------------------
And since this is such a magical post, i shall translate one of my favourite sentence in a book.
I like you, but that's none of your business. During this awkward period, let this become my own secret.

332th post. Happiness & Realisation &.......

2010-12-09T02:43:00.004+08:00

Today, I went to this superb Thai 'restaurant' that serves awesome food at Bedok. BEDOK! so far! ><
Met with Jodi at CP, bought Starbucks, travel travel~ bus-ed, mrt-ed bus-ed again.
den we arrived at the place, 5 mins before they close for lunch! 5 minutes! how lucky!!!! xD
den we ate. haha. both felt the spiciness..... Its really, SHIOK! x3 and its really value for money! as in its really cheap! Too bad Jas and JL cant join us.
den we went to the library..... borrowed books, mrt-ed to hougang to check out places... Mc-ed.... went home. K, I admit. I'm damn lazy. I left out all details =P
hm. here's one detail. me and Jodi keep on boarding mrt on the wrong side...
Tmr, planned to go out with Pei Xin and Jodi. Too bad, ppl planned to go to the Japan sweets buffet (WHICH I SO BADLY WANT TO GO LIKE MAD >< ) tmr, at the exact same time as the outing with pei xin. Since promised px first, of course go with px la. anw, i dun enjoy buffet with many people. Yes, there is an awful lot of ppl going tmr. and they last minute den thought of asking us. ... Nvm its ok. Things like this happened so many times already. This time its considered good that they asked, even if its at the last minute and its a spontaneous invitation although they planned like, hour or days or even weeks ahead. Previous times, either they discuss abt the outing right infront of you but you have to act like you're deaf so tt ppl wun have to explain their outing to you and relunctantly invite you to go, resulting in unhappiness on both sides, or that you'll only hear abt this outing after they went and had their fun and talk all day about it, with you being clueless to all the happenings until someone is nice enough to explain what is going on, or if you are smart enough to piece their conversations together and arrive at the correct conclusion. Both me & Jodi were put in this kind of situation for about N times already. Nevermind. We'll get used to it. yea. Used to being forgotten by your friends.
K. Enough ranting. If not later ppl may think that i am bitching about me wanting desperately to go out with ppl (although I'm very interested to hear about a person who would really read my blog), instead of the main point that both me and Jodi agreed on: it is actually the feeling of being left out by your closest and supposedly best friends just coz they're with another clique that does not exactly welcome or want to invite you. Now, see why I said a long time ago that I'll be happier alone, that I dun need any close friends? Hm. but not that its their fault. things just turn out this way. yea.
k. enough is enough. no use ranting abt it anymore. (yuexiangyueqi). and ppl wun notice or realise.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I miss you, but I won't think about you.
To save myself from yet another heartbreak, which I experienced so many times in the past... days/weeks/months/years. one typical example, when i was greeted with a calculator right smacked infront of my face when I only tried to do something harmless, resulting in shock and short circuit in my brain, impending its normal function. another typical example, the last few minutes/hours of my Fifteen years and the first few minutes/hours of my Sixteen years spent in gloom and ........ just because of your (mobuguanxin). Some kind of sweet 16. another typical example? getting so angry when some ppl get close to you that i felt the violent... rush in my brain and muscles, and I dun even know why i felt that way.
But its over. It will be over.

Photos!

2010-12-05T01:54:00.039+08:00

Ah. Finally got time to upload photos. But some photos tt are really unglam, i never upload. Have to save ppl's face wad =P and some photo is for personal keeping, also never upload =)
the photos are in sort of a backwards order, meaning the most recent ones on top. but if its during the same occasion (eg. graduation, prom...) don't count on the arrangement of the pictures. =(
i look horrible in all pics. haha.

After Prom. K Box with QiaoPo, RuNan, JiaLin, Jodi, Jaslyn, Kok Ting, Zong Sheng.

After Prom, before Kbox. coz me and JL bought Starbucks, so have to finish before going in. T.T but Starbucks is nice =))

During Prom. Jun Wei and Ivan. YiXiong hiding behind JW.

During Prom. Jun Yuan acting ke lian with his infamous pout. poor Jia Lin standing beside him. xD

Zong Sheng and Wee Kian. Caught them off guard!

During Prom at guy's table. Yee Hang, Kok Ting, Zong Sheng (aiyo. showing off the 4A card), Kai Bin.

Yan Ling and her beloved hostage (Ren Zhi) xD

A picture with Teng Da during prom. ahh.... i look horrible here. (not photogenic at all mah)

During Prom, dragged Shu Wei for a photo =)

After Prom, waiting for cab to go K Box. dragged Shu Yi for a picture =)

During Prom, picture with Ser Lin.

ah. my unglam pic. Jia Lin took this. Another weird but funny idea of RuNan and QiaoPo xD

Nearly after Prom, with Rose!! (Luo Si!!!)

During Prom. Attacked Ronda and demanded a photo!

During Prom. Demanded a photo from rAchel!!! (wonder when she's going to replace the R on her name chop.)

During Prom. Took me a longgggg time to get QiEn to take a picture!

heh heh. A photo during Prom with Show Luo's no.1 fan: Pei Xin!!

During Prom. Me & Jun Papi trying to sabotage each other. ended up like this..... lols!

During Prom. a clean shooting game between me and Pondan Papi without harming Jia Lin and Jodi.

During Prom. Tried to shoot Jeannie at the last min (she complained abt this later). Fortunately, Yan Ting and Michelle are out of the shooting range.

A Prom Photo with Chin Ann kor!! He was damn polite in asking if he could put his hand on my shoulder. lol. See my Ring? My birthday present to myself during sec 2!

This Prom photo was taken thanks to Klaryce's zi pai experience. Everybody near us were busy, you see.

A Prom Photo with Jorinda! The hyper & shuai girl of 4B!!!

Taken nearly after Prom. With Jodi Chiam!

A Photo with our very responsible de ceh meh (chairman)

A Prom photo with (orh gui) ceh meh, Jodi (Lau) and Qi En (Qien. Qian!!)

The results of my camera's flash and the Prom room's lighting. Quite fitting, no? In the dark, me the Devil with Jia Lin the nice nice kindhearted orh gui under the lights xD

Den we retook the photo. or was the retaken photo another one? hm...

A Prom Photo with Jaslyn and Jodi!

First, Jing Rong took a pic with me using another camera. den i made her stay for another photo with me using my camera. woah. complicated.

Prom photo with Ezekiel the Ju Ren Giant!! Tried to make him shrink by pushing my body weight on him. hm.... doesn't seem to work D=

A Prom Photo with the genius Red One Bear. (he was very very busy after this. Everybody drags him around for a picture. Hey! Didn't know he was THAT popular!)

A Prom photo with Gerald=Jie Le!! I helped to train his muscles by hitting him almost everytime i see him =P

A Prom photo with Farren the barrister-to-be and Yoke Ling, after YL's splendid performance on stage (i think?)

Prom photo taken with Esther (Ang Jin Hui?!), Wan Ying, Miss Ong and Dorisa, just before Miss Ong went off.

A Prom photo with my sao zi the chio bu, Esther (Loo ST)!

A Prom photo with my Grandma Dearest (or dearest ah ma), Benedict (Tan Zhong Han!)

Hm. I remember taking quite a lot of photos with Chin Bee during Prom. How come i only found this one leh? Must be with others. the photo i mean. Look at our hands! I had to drag her to take another photo with me!

Hm. this is our supposedly 'family' picture. With Jun Papi, Chin Ann kor & Grandma Dearest Benedict. I suppose Ezekiel and Jason are Uncles since they are brothers of Jun Yuan? eh. but Chin Ann and JY also brothers leh. weird....... No matter. more ppl join in with a rank more senior than me, i get more pocket money!! (must scam them)

Durign prom, Shui Mu ah Teng and Pondan DanJY.

Ah. This was the Prom photo taken before ShuWei took the photo with me! (told you the arrangement can''t be trusted) Presenting Sheryl TSW and Jeannie Siong (mad scientist)!

hm. tried to bully Jason with an imaginary gun?? lols. eh. all the pics taken with the BBall guys were taken around the same time. (yet another evidence that the sequence of the photos cannot be trusted.)

Presenting QiaoPo and RuNan who sat on my right side at the same table as me during Prom!!

QiMin and Kai Bin taking photo when Prom was nearly over, after we took the (partial) 2A'08 pic. The main focus here, is Kai Bin's tip toe-ing. See la. tell him to drink and eat more things and grow taller liao. 9 years le still liddat. haiz. Grow taller ba~~~ (Man, I've never wished for a guy to grow taller before)

During Prom. Hunting for Ducky Douglas in process!! Having roasted duck for dinner!

Our 2 Band Major(ette?) Ronda and Jodi!!! Not so fair and Fair!

During Prom, Kok Ting and Yan Ting. Looking at photos?

Aiyo. kor and papi are at it AGAIN!!! Even during Prom? Lols. See la. kor act cute/ke lian. pondan act gay/ er xin.

When Prom is nearly over, Jun Wei and Ducky!

During Prom, Jodi and Jorinda! J^2!

This was taken near the start of Prom. can see tt the lights are really weird. My white boots became orange... O.o

One of the many photos taken during Prom whereby Yee Hang tries hard to keep his eyes open while taking a photo with Jia Lin, but to no avail. hehe.

Jennifer and Ying Mei!!! During Prom! Jen.Fer was angry abt this pic coz her bangs are not continuous. but it still looks good la =)

Another 'family' photo, this time with kor acting rocker/cool. Lols. so not pei with his expression.

Ducky and Bear! nearing the end of Prom!

I tou pai Choon Kit! Too bad Pei Yi turned her head away.

The Bridesmaid Trio. Lols! Ching Yee, Chin Bee (ppl always mix up their names) and Si Hui.

During Prom, Chin Ann, Jun Yuan and Jason!

Taken sometime in the middle of Prom, when the disco or dance thing started. I bullied Gerald (TZY)! He was there for councillor duty la.

This photo was taken before Kai Bin's picture with QiMin. Well, since I can't capture the contrast between him tip toeing and Adelyn standing normally, i took the photo of him and QiMin =) Yes, evil me. i know =]

This was during graduation. 1st Oct!! Ying Mei and Jia Yi!

Haha. I took this during graduation coz i thought Yee Hang and Kok Ting looked hilarious. the focus? Kok Ting's leg!

Yan Ting, camera shy~

XinNing and rAchel, promoting DIY roses and souvenirs from NCHS.

the musical group: Shao Zchuen, Jun Wei and Eu June. supposedly there was another guy. but he ran away before i could take the photo =(

Shu Wei's photo ruined a second time by the adorable and funny Louisa xD

Ser Lin, Klaryce and Jing Rong!

After Graduation. QiaoPo, Teng Da, Jun Yuan, Jodi and Jaslyn.

During Graduation, Jun Yuan with his nerdy fake specs on, trying to show off the pink paper 'ring' tied on his finger. poor Teng Da, tolerating being in the same photo xD

Ms Pey eating during Graduation!

Miss Ong eating during Graduation!

Funny idea whereby Miss Ong and the guys carry Kai Bin and take a photo.

A clearer view this time. I tip toed till my leg almost cramp for this angle! (above the crowd's head!)

The first time Shu Wei had her photo taken. See la. Louisa the mischevious with the Yellow balloon which shuwei likes. hahas.

Oooh..... NC16?? M18?? R21??? No la... PG only. hm. forgot who le. think it was Gerald and Yee Hang?????

Siong Eating!!!!!! and laughing!!!!

I took a photo of Yan Ting taking a photo of Mich and Chin Bee during graduation =P

Zhi Yu and Yan Ling. During Gaduation, after awards ceremony, after tree planting, before returning to the hall.

Nearing end of graduation, YiXiong and Jun Yuan trying to decide on what pose they should have.

their partial family photo. XN CB E D KT

Durign Graduation, after tree planting, just returned to hall, (Ong) Wan Ling =P

Waiting for tree planting. Random pictures.

During Detention after Graduation (my last detention of the year. suay man.) A view through my specs. Actually hor, no difference la =X

During Tree Planting!

During Detention, i tou pai Ms (Betsy) Teo =P

Nearing end of Graduation. Teng Da and QiaoPopopo

Waiting for tree planting, Shao Zchuen and Eu June.

hm. Random pics again =X Wan Ying, Chin Bee and Esther (Ang)

After Graduation. sleepy Danny!

Random pics taken when they were eating. (i was too busy tou pai-ing ppl to eat!)

Si Hui was taking a photo of the cards and roses.

Rabby and Ducky!

The main point was to see QiaoPo standing on the railings =) Ching Yee was standing beside QiaoPo on the railings! But then she came down before i took this photo =(

QiMin, Angela and Cassandra =D not very unglam la!

Random pics? nonono..... i was tou pai-ing QiEn!

QiaoPo, Jodi, Jun Yuan and Jaslyn. Jun Yuan's eyes... lols.

It was supposed to be a pic of Jun Yuan and Ezekiel. but den Chin Ann chap in from behind... xD

Waiting for tree planting. Jun Yuan with Chin Ann =P haiz. but his act cute expression was blocked by Jun Yuan's finger!!

Random? nono.... its to tou pai Michelle! Lim Wan Lin!!

Taken slightly after the pic of JY and CA on top. Presenting Lonely old guy Jun Yuan and loving couple Chin Ann and Esther!! Ah. This was the photo taken after YH and KT's solo shot. Ducky there behind was trying to beautify KT's pose, Kai Bin wants KT's leg to be lifted higher xD

ppl gather for 2A'08 de photo. omg look at Eliza!

Pic of bro and sis, Kok Ting and Chin Bee.

The pic taken around the same time as the one on top. the one which Jun Yuan has a clear hand pointing three fingers up to show off the pink paper and Teng Da with that helpless look.

Jorinda with BALLOONS!!!!!!

After Graduation. dragged Jia Lin all the way out to our favourite staircase to take =X

ceh meh with pondan. yes, with yet another infamous pout of his. haiz. he never grows up, does he?

Jen and Rose!

Jason took this of his own accord!! It was his own idea!!!

Jaslyn and Jodi. fanous for being seen around each other.

Jodi Chiam, Jaslyn and Jodi Lau. J^3!

Jeannie, Michelle and Yan Ting taking their chair photo. supposedly with their fingers reading I (heart) U

Random pic of guys. playing with balloon. the white one.

Jie Le!!

ever realise the symmetry?

close up shot of Eu June on the piano. taken around the same time as the musical group.

Waiting for tree planting, Eugenia acting cute!!

Just returned to hall after tree planting. Eugenia and Yvonne!

Nearing end of Graduation. pic taken after the one whereby YiXiong and Jun Yuan was deciding on their pose. Now, with a calefare (sp) Ducky added in!

After Graduation, I stopped Ducky and YiXiong on their way home to take another photo.

Durign Graduation. Ducky was determined to let me take that serene and 'smelly' face while Zong Sheng refused to play along. lols. i pulled them out of their queue for food!

Lonely in detention~ as i said, suay lor.

necessities for detention.

Band Junior!!!

This was taken after Ducky calefare (sp). seems like they finally decided on a pose. NC16!!!! OMG DUCKY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! ... nah. we all know its just a joke. xD Miss Ong was like "Guo Jun... (ducky's chinese name)" lols! Doug. YX. JY. TD. ZS. Waiting for tree planting! Chon Hui Min!!

Ching Yee, Si Hui, Vanessa struggling with the cards and roses.

taken right after the awards ceremony. Chin bee with her white and pink balloon i got for her.

During waiting for tree planting, Chin Ann close-up.

Before they got into the I (heart) U pose on the chair.

ceh meh and pondan =) forgot who was making ceh meh a deer/rabbit.

YH, ZS, D, KB carrying KT.

After Graduation, in class. Yan Ting, Michelle, Jeannie. looking at photos and chatting.

XinLu and Yvonne. after we returned from tree planting.

second shot of Eugenia and Yvonne with the five empty cups.

ZS playing with the balloon.

still playing.

Benedict ordered to do pumping by Ms Pey.

Yan Ting taking a photo of Kok Ting and Chin Bee

ppl preparing to take the 4A photo.

Calling out to all 2C'08 students!

A view from the top, down at 2A'08

Eliza and Esther, waiting for the awards ceremony to begin.

waiting for tree planting, Esther and Ying Mei.

One of the pic i drew on the cards to Kenya in sec 3.

ChunRi Shi from Bewilder! One of my favourite books! Just sad that cannot find anywhere else other than at the library. I want to buy!

Shared Nutri Soy and mint choc chip ice cream with Jas and Jodi at Sky Park. after Os.

When Miss Ong called us back for chinese lesson before Os, Ching Yee was falling asleep in class!

The Kite outing with Jia Lin, Jaslyn and Jodi near Anchorvale CC. the kite flying wasn't very successful. eh, nonono. it was limited in successful-ness =]

The Pool outing plus YH birthday celebration. TD taking photo of PX, PY, M, YT, CB.

during our last performance. TD eating lollipop, wearing SO Uniform and NCWO blazer (i made him wear it =P)

During Sec 3. Ku Ming de YiXiong trying to teach hopeless me about circles. See there? drawing a circle with a tangent.

Taken on one of the outings with Jas, JY, JL and other ppl. we walked through this passageway with a lot of bear bears!!!!! xD xD took a lot of photos. this is just one of them.

Subway got Double Meat Italian B.M.T.?? I got Double mouse: Pink and Black! lol. one is Ching Yee's present to me, other one is my com mouse.

one of the pics on the banner i drew for ChocoFruitiLicious in sec 3 Shines in Harmony. SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS!!! KUROSHITSUJI!!!!! x3 but some idiot tore the banner off and threw it away. if i ever find out who that person is...........

cycling outing and RuNan's birthday outing! coz its near lunar 7 ma.... so when everybody go near the sea to play, leaving their shoes behind, I and Jun Yuan was planning a prank. Jia Lin was watching us xD JY did this pic. den he threw the rest of the shoes all over the shelter we were under xD
2A'08 BBQ. less than half the class turned up. =( but it was fun =)

Malacca trip. Jun Yuan sleeping! Den coz we kept talking and playing, Ms Joseph told Mr Tee tt she think me & Jun Papi are together. what a lol joke!

i caught Yvonne and Eliza!!

the last day 2A is 2A. hm. QiMin, Me, Jia Lin... I forgot who did the twist. i think it was Leona!

Beach Cleaning....

I drew this on the whiteboard coz Kai Bin drew a pig and said it was 2A logo. lols.

Randomness.

2010-12-05T01:09:00.003+08:00

I'm SO getting another job! RAWR! McCafé de pay is really low. buay tahan liao. and i think the Sentosa job flew awayy... haiz. Look for admin job ba! Ask Chin Bee ben ben to help me find =P of course i will be keeping a lookout myself. cant always reply on ppl.
Went to Changkat Changi Sec Band Prac today. it was more fruitful! Really looking forward to the concert!
Went Ballet trial on Fri with Jas. she hor... force me go join Ballet, den we ran all over Singaoire, only to find tt Anchorvale CC jiu have liao. =.= and some kind of Adult Beginner class! everybody have at least Grade 5 de standard... den i noob there. den the teacher just went on prattling away in the professional terms. den i blur blur stand there. the teacher totally ignore me after a few minutes. felt so idiotic. =.= den got one nice nice big sister try to teach me. haiz. but i wasted her efforts la. Jas enjoyed herself. Think i not taking up the course. I'm not fit for Ballet. Maybe Locking and Breaking more suitable.... Or maybe i will not go into dance la. a sports idiot like me who can't coordinate well.... hm.
trying to organise another mahjong session!!! Chin Bee force me de T.T ... lol. But i wonder what happened to the section outing i asked her to organise?
haiz. blog-hopped a little. i guess my self-discipline is really not there yet. suffered continual myocardial infarction (aiya. heart attack la) again. greatt. And it turned my day. erm. my night i mean. upside down. its complicated. hope to get over it soon. or at least make it fade. ... rawr! =(
Haiz. hope i can control and not post anymore complain posts. Its spoiling my blog. I will grey out the complain parts! hehe.
upload photos now~

.hope to be invisible.just ranting.

2010-12-02T18:46:00.006+08:00

I'm starting to get fed-up. Seriously fed-up.
I'm ill. flu for two weeks, now having fever, sore throat, headache and feeling dizzy.
Then, i have to entertain ppl, my bro's gf, have to make decisions for dinner. Suggested pizza hut de cheesy 7. everybody like very not enthu. all half-hearted answer. What do they take me for? everything also want me do. when i'm sick, only know how to nag. dun even know tt i'm on the verge of fainting. not my fault also nag at me. nonsense.
den i pek cek, coz everybody any thing also shui bian shui bian. give me black face. ya la. you in love, only have eyes for each other... den when you two quarrel, everything also tell me, want me to listen, help you to think of a solution. I dun have my own problems meh? I dun feel well, i busy, lack of sleep, have my own big problem to solve, i still need to help and listen to you all. den now give me this kind of nonsense. i dun remember asking you all to help with MY problems.
another one. anyhow ask nonsensical question. i dun understand what the question is abt, ask her to repeat. cant she see tt i'm going to pek cek already? cannot see i not feeling well is it? den want to ask questions also dun phrase it properly, just anyhow say and say and say... den damn unglam, can talk talk talk den burp den talk den burp. ew. english words also anyhow pronouce. its not tt i dun wanna help or teach. but when i try to correct the pronunciation, it just gets worse and it pisses me off. pek cek. den you go pek cek on me. wth. my fault la. win liao lor.
yala i not human la. dun care me la. i sick also no need care de. only need to ask me to take care of the cute hamster, tidy up the place, wash dishes, wash clothes, sun the clothes, keep the clothes. you all busy i not busy arh? i also working leh. i also have my own social network, i also have things to do ma. just because you dunno what i'm going through or doing, den you just assume i'm idling my time away. what is this?
Haiz. Hope that this will pass. soon.

the past two weeks, when i'm ill. have been going out for like everyday. no time to rest at all. no wonder flu developed into fever. and sore throat. den i still have to put up with all the nonsense. add in my own troubles and problems. how can i not pek cek?
take tmr for example. 7am to 3 pm got work. den 6pm got dance trial with Jas. supposedly everything is going well. except that i'm still ill. but nvm. i can endure. den suddenly pop out a meeting. 4 start. walao. den everybody spam the meeting notice to me liao lor. great. phone flooded. lag. den after a few hours, oh time for meeting change. 2pm-5pm. holy shit. meeting for 3 hours? HUH? den i will be dragged out of work to attend the meeting. great. and remind me what i have at 6? dance trial right? with Jaslyn, whom drags me out so often these days, whom i was always late in meeting. and the dance trial is at JURONG. TAMAN JURONG. plus, i have to get there at 5.45. how to?
not just that. i'm so ill today i had to pass up on the class bbq. den i haven't even start to analyse the band music scores. next practice is on sat. two days from now. concert is on 17th. how to make it?
Forget it. I'll just take one thing at a time. those things that don't concern me, i will just ignore it. although it may seem that i'm heartless. I dun care anymore. since when did i have a heart or conscience? I just want to live life my way, without any big trouble or any nonsense. I used to want to help ppl out. in McD for example. but what did i get in return? all nonsensical work that i had to do, clear up other ppl's mess. not that i expect a big thank you or gift in return. but the least they should do is show appreciation and recognition for my effort right? and den they go and rate my overall work good. FYI, good means very very average. This is all i get in return? not even appreciation man. And this is the case with most other ppl too. so if this is the rule on Earth, in life, why should i even bother to help others, when i have so much problems of my own already? call me selfish or whatever. i'm just so tired. I'm not well. I'm not even sure if i have the determination and strength and courage to carry on walking anymore, and you expect my help everytime? its not gonna happen. Just physically, its impossible. Mentally? hah. of course ppl will think that i'm alright. who would care about my mental state? what i went through these years. what i feel. what i encountered. how i was treated. who would care?

2010-11-27T21:18:00.002+08:00

Ah. Nowadays, moodswings are just soooooooo exaggerated. What the hell...
Haiz. You know, I just LOVE life =) why? Because life's a bitch and it sucks. Well, not totally. At least sometimes it is.
Have Café de job. Currently looking for another part time job. Maybe working at Sentosa! But I'm still kept busy currently by Changkat Changi de band thing. Joining as guest performer.... Have to patch things up with Trumpet le. But now feeling very pai seh coz can't join NJ de band.... I not good enough for any band la. so need to dedicate time to concert with easier pieces. But I'm SO going to NJ's concert on 7th Dec!!!!!!
Now also finding dance lessons to attend with Jaslyn. Its not going that smoothly, but at least we're trying.
Looking forward to outings and other sessions with peeps! Seoul Garden, Chocolate buffet, Mahjong, Arcade (Jubeat Knit!), Movie, etc etc etc.
Contrary to how seniors spent their holiday, I'm actually quite busy.... Have to keep myself busy to keep my mind off things wad =) I'm trying to get over it. Still trying. For a period of time, if never see, then its perfectly ok and fine and its like, totally getting over it. Not a problem. But if suddenly remember or suddenly see related things.... Den... Haiz. effort all wasted. Things flood back like Tsunami. And it accumulates during the blank period so that it is an even larger tsunami each time. Awesome. And apparently, its by compound interest, not simple. How complicated. Compound, I mean.
Haiz. Do you have to be so awesome and so hard to get over? Be a bit lousier cannot arh? RAWR!
And this is my life thus far. 12 days after O lvls.
Still confused, busy, moodswing-ing, looking, trying hard, playing, enjoying, suffering.... But at least I'm still living life. Or I'm trying to.

2010-11-21T03:24:00.003+08:00

This, will be a nonsensical post made up of various lyrics from songs.

But you put on quite a show . Really had me going

I don't wanna run away I just wanna die in your arms

Pull me up . I can't swim on my own . Its too much . Feels like I'm drowning without your love

But we are two worlds apart . Can't reach to your heart

So I'll just play my part . Pray that you'll have a change of heart

You open up my heart . Show me all your love and walk right through

Keeping it inside its killing me

I used to stand so tall . I used to be so strong I'm barely hanging on

You got me deeper than deep and I'm constantly blinded . I'm running around but there's no place to hide

It lasted forever . And ended so soon

I feel like such a fool theres nothing I can do . I'm such a fool for you

Tell me why . You're so hard to forget . Don't remind me . I'm not over it

...... Ah. Enough. There will be no end to this.

2010-11-20T22:25:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling fine now =)
Prom didn't turn out half as disastrous as I thought it would be, although I've got to say that the beginning part was damn frustrating. I couldn't get a taxi, so i walked across 4 streets in one hour in the high heel boots and sprained my legs abt three times. And I was late for half an hour. haiz.
But aft I got there things turned out pretty fine. I kept my promises of taking photos with ppl! And the dinner wasn't as boring as I thought (although i hardly ate anything. was busy running around taking photos) Ppl, well, at least 80% of the ppl were running around. After seeing the way ppl were dressed, I felt so underdressed.... And I wore formal clothes! Lols. I TOOK A LOT OF PHOTOS! But some are in other ppl's camera...
Anyway, prom was quite fun. Although by the time i got home, my legs were sprained five times. and it swelled. (and it still is now) RAWR! Pain..... But I endured it. Learning from Usui Takumi! Good thing I read the date for work wrongly. Turned out to be tmr instead of today, if not i die x.x
Went to K box after prom with Qiaopo, Runan, Jia Lin, Chin Bee, Jaslyn, Jodi, Kok Ting and the late arriver, Zong Sheng. At first me and JL had to wait outside... Coz we bought Starbucks. Outside drinks not allowed in K box. haiz. den we sit and drink and chat lor. K box was damn ex. over $30 per person... But it was quite fun =) Managed to witness the singing power of ppl and i gotta say tt Most ppl can sing well! (not very surprising la.) It was fun listening to ppl sing and picking the songs. JL left around 2 coz her mum was worried. The rest of us only left when K box was closing. Around 4 am i think. YAY! 4Am. Too much of a coincidence? Lols. But we still have 5 pages of songs unsung when we had to leave.... wow.
Den Qiaopo and Runan went home in taxi first, the rest sat on a bench outside marina square to wait for Jaslyn's bro to fetch her and Jodi. Cannot leave the pretty damsels in distress out there in the cold all isolated to wait for the car wad. den at 5++ her bro came, and we parted ways. Left ZS KT CB and me. That ben ben Chin Bee... wear new shoes.... den got blister or smth... so ZS (i think) bought looney toons plaster for her. Chin Bee very funny la. she took out 3-4 plasters. 1st Bugs bunny. den she exclaimed, Bugs bunny!!! but we bo chap her. (i laughing) den she emo. 2nd one, bugs bunny. she exclaimed even louder, Bugs bunny!! i laughed. we bo chap her again. she emo again. lol. den all of the plaster turned out to be bugs bunny's.... by the last one, she got tired and said Eh why all bugs bunny one? Only have one picture is it? HAHA. what can I say? bugs bunny loves her.
Den we mrt-ed and/or lrt-ed back home coz it was morning already.
before reaching home, damn tired... reach home, eh not so tired liao. weird. 6++ reach home.l Sms-ed, took out contacts, removed make-up (all smudged....), bathed, psp-ed (two bars of battery) den slept at 8+++. Woke up around 3++.
I have officially graduated from Nan Chiau High School. Come to think of it, NCHS wasn't all tt bad. It wasn't that good, but it wasn't bad. I think I will miss my sec sch days. Esp the food (Noodles.... Poutry....) my friends/classmates/schoolmates (all ppl i know minus the ones i really dun like) the lessons we had from sec 1 to sec 4 (of course the funny-er and fun-er ones) and some more special moments with friends... (the times we spent 'bullying' and teasing one another.... NCWO times with Mr Png and Mr Lum... the times we pon-ed lessons together... the times we complained and cursed together.... the times when we all slept during lessons and woke up laughing at one another... the times we studied and slacked together... the times we chiong-ed and copied homework... the times people spent teaching hopeless me maths, sciences and other subjects..... the times i tried to teach others.... the times we spent together trading news/gossips... the times we had heart-to-heart talks... etc etc etc....) how time seems to fly now, and how time never seems to move!
But hor, my heart. erm. i mean my mind haven't really graduate yet leh... still have some things unsolved and not understood. But i guess thats fine. Thats how life's like, isn't it?
I want Section outing, be it full section (preferably?) or partial section! I want Class outing, be it 2A or 4A! I want mahjong sessions! I want movie marathons! I want sleep-over party! I want arcade and meal and movie outing! It doesnt actually have to be outings of the above contents. The main thing is to play with friends!

2010-11-19T00:13:00.002+08:00

Dun bother, I'm just in the midst of a super unlucky and bad mood period =.= idiotic events, idiotic ppl, idiotic conversations....... Well, no difference. Life IS idiotic anyway. All that remains to be seen is the level of idiocy. That's all. No biggie =]
My foot. Life still sucks. Especially with prom like, tomorrow... And I have absolutely no idea of how I am getting there. Where is it again? Holiday Inn, Havelock Road? Where on Earth is that??? To reach before... 6.30pm. Yea, But at which ballroom or which hall? No idea..... Am I going? I seriously don't know. Do I wish to go? On the money-wise part.... Heck Yes! I dug out $62 of my OWN pocket to pay for it! On a more personal part.... Fuck no. I dread prom, I think I hate it. With idiotic programmes lined up...... How interesting or engaging can it get? The only reason (that I see) why ppl are getting so worked up over prom is because they can dress-up, put on make-up, meet friends in the whole graduating level, and most importantly, they can Cam-Whore... Woo Hoo! WHO GIVES A DAMN. grahhhh.
Oh God, Oh Devil, give me a reason to.... Smile? Nope.... Give me a reason to appreciate life and to live life.
My mood just swings and I don't know why. I only know that I am unable to communication perfectly with anybody. Somehow my brain just works on a different frequency from humans. And that me and humans... Are never exactly on the same page. blehh.
I need my own world. My own space. Just a little will do...

2010-11-15T17:02:00.001+08:00

YAY O LEVELS IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-15T09:10:00.003+08:00

Wah sad man. Other ppl finish O levels le I still have Bio MCQ...... Nvm, its the last paper anyway. But I haven't study for it yet. Oh no.
Went to play Jubeat Knit ytd. Under my sis and her boyfriend de coaching, finally got S rating.... Its like, the last time i tried i got all As for advanced songs. Den ytd i got a mixture of As and Ss for advanced songs. And i passed the damn difficult song..... forgot the name. But anyway, YAY! Since I never really play a lot of times.... I guess these grades are acceptable. Hm.
K now must go study......... Haiz. Somehow I now hope that O levels can stay for a longer time. Den I wun be so aimless and restless and lazy now? Or maybe its because O levels is too long this year that I am feeling this way? I don't really know.
My head is all messed up now.... With one thing or another..... Café work, stupid prom, the highlight hair issue, mangas and animes and dramas to chiong (dunno which to watch/read first) and. Well, other things.
Somehow I'm not feeling too confident in that issue. Or that self-set task. Or that must-do task. Or maybe just that stupid little thing i must do. But never mind. With time, it will be resolved =) I hope? =]
Now for the last lap of Os, cheers and add oil!!!!!!!

2010-11-11T12:20:00.005+08:00

I hereby announce that,
1) Sticky is very dangerous. Especially the Rock type.
2) I hate cigarette smoke, including the smokers who produce them.
Well, part 2 does not need more explanation, since all smokers should just go to jail anyway, harming ppl..... haiz. I wun be against smoking if it does not smell so awful and if it does not harm secondhand smokers. CIGARETTES SUCK >=(
Ok. That brings us to part 1. Rock Sticky is very dangerous. YES! VERY DANGEROUS. Just today, while eating only ONE Rock Sticky, I cut my tongue twice. Yes, TWICE. Both times led to my tongue bleeding for roughly 40 seconds to 1 minute. On top of that, my tongue was cut N times by Rock Sticky before today. (suay or what?) Oh My God~~ Very scary. Very painful. But Sticky is nice =)
So now I face this dilema (sp). Continue eating Rock Sticky & cut my tongue even more & satisfy my tastebuds (ironically, on my tongue), or stop eating Sticky & protect my tongue & leave my tastebuds longing for Sticky (yet again, ironic)?
Haiz.....
Hm.
& so I decided that I should try to have the best of both worlds. How? I shall eat Pillow Sticky instead! Pillow Sticky doesn't cut my tongue, and thus protects my tongue and allows me to enjoy Sticky safely!!! Most importantly, my favourite Acid Drops is...... PILLOW STICKY TYPE!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA. Yep, thats the best part. But the down side is, eating too much Acid Drops burns my tongue T.T
RAWR. Pek Cek. Delicious things are dangerous. Yes.

Oh, and one more thing. O levels? No.... Its MANGA!^^ 特殊传说 ROCKS! SUPER FUNNY! QIEN'S RECOMMENDATION ROCKS! QIEN ROCKS! xD

2010-11-10T13:32:00.002+08:00

HCL IS OVERR!!!!! LEFT 3 SCIENCE DE MCQ den.... FREEDOM! Muahahahaha.... study for this last lap! CHIONG P1!!! After that will be... BYE TEXTBOOKS, BYE NOTES!
Hm. I'm hungry T.T just read Phy de analysis..... hm. no matter. must study everything again what. Also cannot neglect parts that came out already. But can put more emphasis on those tt haven come out =P
LUNCH!

2010-11-05T03:08:00.003+08:00

(meant to be posted on 4 nov...)
Successfully intercepted Jodi & Jaslyn's date^^ Went to Bishan for Koi~ (eh Koi not bad ehh... quite nice xD) Den went to play Jubeat (knit)! The two ben bens keep on playing the same song(s)... Swan Lake, Whatever, Only My Railgun, Haru Haru.. Lols. den also met sis de dar, Wei Peng.... Hm. Ate Pepper Lunch! =)
Den went to watch movie... The Social Network. ITS NICE! VERY GOOD! I used to think facebook was lame. But now I'm starting to get interested (mostly in its founders?) haiz. but originally wanted to watch The Last Exorcism de... Why is it that accidents always happen whenever I want to go cinema watch horror movies? Bishan GV not showing TLE! >< (but at least we ended up watching a good movie)
Den slacked around Juntion 8... den went Harbour Front, Vivo for Ben & Jerry's! and the outdoor top floor "mini pool" to play truth or dare =) haha. stayed till quite late, and managed to get the last mrt home. phew~
quite a fruitful day? although prom clothes not bought yet, and hair not cut yet... But it was fun! Maybe next time can go play Jubeat with Jia Lin, Jodi and Jaslyn... eh why all Js one?? wahh den i odd one out. nvm. I unique =)
ke lian Jia Lin (and QiEn) have to work hard for CO even before O levels is over.... well. good luck and jia you to them! Maybe I'll drop by Genting or something and go tune in? who knows? hehe.
The Plan:
Tmr slack, maybe pick out topics to study for SS, den organise notes.
Tmr de tmr maybe go library to borrow chinese books or smth... buy/collect manga! arcade?
~dunno when can have mahjong session...~
tmr de tmr de tmr study and memorise SS....
den exam again! study study.......
den first and second day after Os have to work T.T haiz. maybe right aft Bio P1 or on 18 nov den i go trim & dye hair...? hm. I really think I'm going to prom in jeans and shirt! no clothes le! and i lazy buy! and i dun really feel like going to prom... =( but if this ever gets to the ear of the (nice in a way) bimbo princesses... (oh yes, thats them.) they may nag me, scold me, kill me, kick my butt, or all of the above. wah so scary~ haiz.
I really dun see whats so nice abt prom. it sounds so super boring. sit down dinner? performances by dunno wad ppl (most likely only one or two or nil items is nice)? Lucky draw? oh come on, get a life. Arcade and manga houses could do much much better... I'm like just going for the sake of going... and thats $62 spent in order to make ppl happy. (but i bet a large majority of the ppl going for prom will sian, seeing me there. I'm a horrible and mean Devil, and I know it. But thats me.)
I miss, I so miss my anime and manga and much more things... Just 10 more days to go!!! 10 more days! 10.... more days. haiz. HANG IN THERE! The worst part is over!

Open my eyes, yea and I realise, it was only just a dream.

2010-11-04T03:26:00.003+08:00

Only SS, HCL and MCQs left ahead. Comforting? Lols. Not really. Freedom is seen and felt as the O levels progress, like during these four days that are free of exams. But Freedom is only in grasp after the end of O levels, or rather, after the collection of the results. After that, admission to new schools, new syllabus, new things to be learnt. Total Freedom doesn't really exist. Even after complete graduation from all types of school, as life still goes on, and by some way or another, new limitations will be imposed.
So what I can do now is just to prepare and try my best at O levels, don't sigh or regret as it will only serve as an additional worry or dejection.
After all, If you are going through Hell, keep going. Lose your momentum and you may just be stuck there forever.

9 more days! RAWR!

2010-10-16T14:26:00.002+08:00

Today is 16 October 2010. One day after my dear brother's 19th birthday, nine days before the official start of 'O' levels. To be truthful, I am not prepared for it nor am I nervous about it. And the two symptoms mentioned above is the main reason why I am feeling... Scared? Insecure? I do not really know. But I planned a studying plan for this seemingly short yet long lap. The only thing left to do now is to follow it through, and as Niké says, "Just Do It".
I still cannot believe I missed Physics lesson today because I overslept. Physics ended around 11 a.m. and I woke up around 11.30 a.m. What can I say? What more can I say? Sigh.

JIA YOU!
GOOD LUCK!!
GANBATTE NE!!!
Just you wait, 'O' level papers. I Will (try to) Defeat All Of You!

2010-09-18T03:08:00.004+08:00

Wah. cant believe i posted so much within a few hours. Well. I was so sad over the ending of Kuroshitsuji II i decided to watch the musical ~sono shitsuji-youko~. IT WAS GREAT! Now i want the DVD for the musical too! Haha. The musical was so so soooo funny and awesome! Although only two parts are subbed..... Out of the fourteen.... But thank god i can understand some simple japanese and i managed to watch all unsubbed and catch the stories and jokes XD Its really damn funny. XD But some ppl are translating wrongly in their comments... haiz. nvm.
KUROSHITSUJI ROCKS!
TOBOSO YANA ROCKS!
SEBASTIAN, CIEL, UNDERTAKER AND LAU! x3 <3 oh and all other characters =D So sad i couldn't watch it earlier coz was busy.... haiz. ~CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!!! Although actor of Ciel is changing... BUT i'm sure its gonna be great as well! ~sen no tamashii to ochita shinigami~
Oh and the singing mice in Undertaker's song- Howl Brings You Unhappiness! "misfortune comes in by a merry gate~"
DUN CARE LE! I GO ONLINE WEBSITE TO ORDER KUROSHITSUJI DVDs!

2010-09-17T22:49:00.004+08:00

Kuroshitsuji II end le. Episode 12. it was projected at episode 13...... T.T The ending was nice but..... i think i liked the ending of Kuroshitsuji better. no matter. Sad that it ended. i want the whole set DVD..... With no Kuroshitsuji to look forward to..... life has dimmed, hasn't it?

"Yes. My Lord."

2010-09-17T21:47:00.003+08:00

Prelim 3 over le! screwed up all my papers. good job. but nvm. Coz i haven't peak yet! and i shall peak at o lvls! (hopefully...)

Slept whole day away ytd. things cropped up and cant go arcade =( but went arcade play Jubeat with ceh meh today =) thanks to supports from my jie =) den we also played kite and chatted with Jodi and Jaslyn later. funny and frustrating things happened. And i successfully bullied Jaslyn today again! The Damsel in distress! Waiting for her Prince charming on white horse! haha hehe hoho hoohoo.

I wan watch Devil! rahhh. but no one wanna watch =( still say i sadist... tai guo fen le.

WHERE CAN BUY KUROSHITSUJI DE DVD? OR VCD?? I CANNOT FIND! RAWRRRRRRR ><

and the annual nightmare- phototaking is approaching... 7 more days. horrible. gonna report sick and go home during recess =)

314th post

2010-09-13T19:11:00.003+08:00

Now now, Its our beloved PHYSICS prelim 3 tmr. what am I, the physics idiot, doing on the internet, not studying? Hm. I wonder abt that myself...

Nah. just kiddin'. I just finished clearing up my doubts on some chapters by googling (or bling-ing) it. Gonna start revising..... haiz. Even though its early die early reincarnate, I don't want to die a too terrible test. worse grade allowed- D7. No more lower.
And may I add on that I HATE ULCERS. Esp those tt grow at the back of your throat. now my appetite is halved and halved and halved.... D: Its been... 3, 4 days already. And have been coughing up traces of blood. (Do ulcers bleed? I don't think so...) And my hands and feet are always at low temperature. What in the world is happening?

What is eddy current? Circular currents that induces heat, resulting in power loss =D At least thats what I think.... PERLIM 3 ENDING IN THREE MORE DAYS! PERSEVERE~~ ADD OIL~~
hm. not for me of course =P

.... Its very funny how people keep on associating me with the colour pink (and hot pink at that) when they know that I am no where near girly as a lion/ jaguar is near to purring and meow-ing in a hunter's arms. I appreciate the thoughts all the same, but why pink? Haiz. nvm. Its the thoughts that count....

2010-09-11T06:14:00.004+08:00

The many good things of not having ppl read your blog. For one, you can rant on abt what you did but don't want others to know that you did it. teehee~
Read Kaichou wa Maid-sama! damn damn funny XD confirm buying the set of manga =) shall chiong anime after more eps comes out =) its currently at 20+, no where near 30. and i finish watching 10+ eps in one day, so no fun watching it now =]
I swear swear Usui is not human. well, at least not NORMAL human. But the whole thing is still so funny .><. XD I studied hard for this reward! (of using com and reading manga!) I chionged finish the whole set of other school Phy papers! well. at least the MCQs. But i did that whole set including the setting straight of most of my concepts in three days!! (well, two hours-three hours-three hours actually.) and i finished most of the corrections (Anderson or smth didn't have the ans) and finished sorting my errors out! heh heh. Keeping my fingers crossed tt i wun be the 8th person again! (last prelim, 7 ppl in class passed Phy P2. I was the 8th, with 39.5/80. RAWR! PEK CEK!) Hm... not really planning to study. the MCQs? thats not studying~ Its leftover homework. from last month. Ms Oh say must finish de =P ~Left: Chem (aiyo die liao la. just let it die) Phy (no use studying. Early die early reincarnate~) E Maths (hmm~ nothing to study? I'm hopeless at all maths anyway) Bio (wah. tt chpt on reproduction in man totally killed me already. dun even understand a single word. still got 15 more chapters? Rao Le Wo Ba~) ....... Nvm. all hopeless le. Shall work hard after prelim. Aim: A1 for all nine subs. (got A1 for chinese le, left 8) and of course, its just an aim =) I'll be happy with 7 or 8 (meaning 6 or 7 more to work hard for?)

2010-09-07T22:27:00.002+08:00

Used whole day watching Kuroshitsuji II eps and the musical =] haha. Am i supposed to feel guilty? nah..... Kuroshitsuji chased away my bad mood from ytd so tt i can concenrate on studying... tmr =P
KUROSHITSUJI ROCKS and shall continue to rock on~~~ hehe
waiting for OVA 2 and eps 11, 12 and 13 in season 2!

2010-09-03T18:37:00.003+08:00

Its always very interesting to see how one can drop from heaven to hell in just a minute, with just one sentence. And although this happens so often, I can't get used to it. Pathetic? Haha. Where's the sense of humour? Why the busybodies? Why the gossips and rumours?
Anw, I always amuse myself. How the hell in the world did I manage to get like two or three long and deep papercuts in like, less than a week? Thank god the blood didn't stain the exam script..... But its still very uncomfortable chionging SS and Elec Geog with the smell of blood lingering around my hand =.=
Haiz. Called back for cafe meeting tmr. Sad? hm. at least I get a few days of break off the exam period =) But after the break is heavy subjects' exam..... =(

2010-08-22T22:54:00.002+08:00

Went gym with Jaslyn ytd. lol tiring... and stinky and sweaty =( been super long since i last exercised. jogged for 20 mins, play around and went to have breakfast at compass Mac. Den went to Jaslyn's house after... some things... and den juz slacked there =X Watched anime, helped her with some doubts, slacked, ate den went home at 11+... near 12. Midnight. Quite fun actually. =)

2010-08-13T17:14:00.007+08:00

I feel very bad. Its the first time i didn't keep a promise i initiated. But.... haiz. Nobody can help me =(
burns up, face red, looks away, confused, heart attack, cardiac arrest.
Die le la... Die liao. Jia lat liao.

都怪我偏偏要去爱偏偏要等待
偏偏幻想我会是例外
Zhang Yun Jing rocks =D

2010-08-06T20:10:00.003+08:00

sort of a sucky day after school =(
finally understood what is "zhong se qing mei", wan girl dun wan sis. haiz. && its super noisy. haiz x2
plus! i ate heavy lunch & snacked quite a bit, so dun feel like eating dinner... so of course nvr eat la! den kena scold. =.= bad mood and think i lazy den jiu scold me =.= what is this.....
dunno meh? i hate it when ppl juz comment/act without getting the full pic. But it seems like most of the ppl are doing it anyway.
I didn't think the happy week will be over so soon..... When is Kuroshitsuji II ep. 6 coming out..
Had oral with Ms Teo today. =) quite fun, i think? she seems more cheerful today.

Must study... wa sian. aft oral, SPAs, relim 3 , check paper, den jiu studying and O lvl le. time flies.... O lvls soon, graduating soon. Dun think I will miss school or class la. I'm not a social person. But maybe will miss friends? i dunno...
Shld I go ***m n****??

2010-08-05T22:13:00.002+08:00

Prelim 2 is over... Prelim 3 is coming.... O lvl Oral is coming.... SPA 3 is coming......
O lvl is coming.....
sian sia.
But nvm. coz...... KUROSHITSUJI II IS OUT AND ONGOING AND ITS STILL AWESOME AND INTERESTING AND ENGAGING AND IT MAKES MY DAY (or should i say, my week)
Ariols and Claude are introduced, Ciel and Sebastian, together with Grelle, Undertaker, and the three clumsy servants are back!! XD
私はあくまで執事ですから.

but when is D. Gray-man coming back??

2010-07-09T23:42:00.002+08:00

Haiz. I'm so damn tired. Homework used to be a mountain high, now its three mountains high AND wide. Wonder how I'm going to get through all this....
(I think?) I can do it de! at most crack under the homework and stress only! (come to think of it, cracking already. hm...) Nvm its ok. Sec 4 mah. its like that one... But I wonder when these moodswings are going to end. haiz. its getting from bad to worse...
MY ORAL IS TERRIBLE ! pissed ms teo off today.

I wonder if there is anything I am good at.

Failed 2.4 today, yet again. Wonder when I can find the motivation to run again..... Haiz. & I just realised that recently (like a few months....) my hands and legs keep turning cold after i run & sweat. WTH?

...

Have forgotten all about sec 3 Phy. I really need to mug hard!

Still not sure abt Chem concepts. Must revise.

Bio- read, understand, pick out main points, spot questions, memorise!

e maths- number patterns are my biggest enemy ever! RAWR

a maths- i just need practice.... Lots and lots of it.

English- Master Fluency and AND technique to answering compre questions!!!

HCL- must always build the chinese mood before i go into examination room.

Geog- read, memorise, understand, memorise. must answer in context to the question.

SS- read, memorise, understand, memorise. must read up on SBQ skills.

Yep, that is all i have to work hard for. not much la. just takes around a few months to perfect it. and when is prelim 2? 15 July? oh holy....

...

hm. these few days keep sudddenly feeling breathless and adrenaline rush and increased heart beat..... what the hell is wrong with me?

JIA LIN BULLY ME!!!!!! ming ming zhi dao my handwriting very ugly..... tai guo fen le! i must go bully her back!

2010-06-23T17:11:00.002+08:00

Lee HongKi, "Jermi/Jeremy" in He's Beautiful/ You're Beautiful, Lead Vocalist in F.T. Island. He is so cute^^ how can anyone not like him? XD

2010-06-23T13:22:00.002+08:00

Tired la.....
Eng oral screwed up.
Eng compre not done AT ALL
A. Maths panpac workbook just finished chpt 1
all other homework? Haven't touch yet.
+PLUS school reopens after 4 days.
die liao die liao.....
but nvm. I'll get through it somehow =)
been watching He's Beautiful. damn damn funny XD Jermi! so cute XD
anw. Hope life wun be too sucky at school. after all, i changed place! =)

2010-06-05T02:50:00.002+08:00

You can't make up your mind, mind, mind, mind, mind
Please don't waste my time, time, time, time, time
I'm not tryin' to rewind, wind, wind, wind, wind
I wish our hearts could come together as one
Cause shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova'
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova'
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova'
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova'
Dun get me wrong. I still don't like Justin Bieber =.= Its just that the combination of Sean Kingston and Justin Bieber sounds not bad =)

Haiz. Today damn suay. Ytd slept at 10+ totally crashed. and guess what? I woke up at 3+ or 4 this morning....... -->
at 3+ or 4 AM (wah see la. 4A, 4 AM and i dun like 4A. rawr! ><)
suddenly woke up on my comfortable bed, with the idea of apologising to him stuck in my head. Fine. Asked JL for opinions. sms-ed. oh no, handphone (W810i) no batt. nvm, i switch to Nokia N80 =)
at 4+ am....
wah really cant get back to sleep T.T washed up & did A maths all the way till 7+ while listening to songs on N80. FINISHED 3 or 4 revision exercise within that time! =)
Decided that I will apologise and properly talk if class is empty (i.e. no extra ppl around) during break time or.... aiya juz anytime la.
7++...
reach school, lesson start. continue listening to songs =)
1130...
YAY step 1 succeed! He in class! But hor... got an awful lot of ppl in class (around 10+).... Nvm.... I wait.... maybe later they will go down.....
and I wait
YAY! around 7 more ppl to clear! ..... ppl who went down earlier came back le =.= Sianz.
He went down to eat! double & triple SIANZ.
and I wait
(see la! wait wait wait.... just ask him out of class la >< dumb me)
den in the end I wait and wait and wait until 2. Lessons start again =.=
(den continue smsing JL. And N80 decided to doze off...... =.= batt totally flat, cannot sms. RAWR)
den aft tt no chance liao la. SEE LA! WAIT WAIT WAIT...... T.T den kena scolded by JL. haha.
5+...
discussed abt section hoodie and stuffs, went cp with Chin Bee & Si Xuan. went home.
Therefore, once again, my day went by with just one meal: dinner.
last few days, either i angry until dun feel like eating (that PE incident la. oso dunno why i so angry) or i no time to eat (battling maths)
Bu Hui Sian!

and even though i told JL to forget it...... I couldn't. The idea is still stuck in my head. wth? quadruple sianzzzz.
I shall try to carry out the plan again on Monday IF ppl clear the class =) AND if the idea is still stuck in my head.

TOMORROW! I AM GOING TO CHUANG YI BAZAAR TO GET MY MANGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But the travelling time on bus is 1 hr plus..... I think i'm gonna get motion sickness.......... oh no.

2010-05-31T12:29:00.002+08:00

oh man. life still sucks. But I can numb myself with work and homework right? haha. not maths though.... it will defeat the whole purpose. haiz.
homework all not done yet. I will work hard tmr de!!! just let me slack for today la...... very tired.
I just cant believe this... I occupy myself so that i wun think abt it, I avoid it, I (tried very hard) not to look at it. Then? I dream of it. WHAT THE HELL! >< I slept around 8 hrs. I think I was dreaming of it for like 4 hours? wow. i cant even sleep in peace =.= and after all that effort! rawr. it has come to naught i guess. But its not its fault. as jl says: you mei li bu shi ta men de cuo. or smth like that. haha? .. hahahaha..... T.T no use la. I can only put up a happy front. sometimes even that disintegrates.......
haiz.
I'm hungry.
I will go eat NOW!

GOOD LUCK FOR ALL TAKING 'O' LVL CHINESE TODAY!!! (now?)

2010-05-26T23:26:00.003+08:00

RAWR.
I'm angry & frustrated.
For stupid reasons. !@#&)_@^&*(!@#!#
man. I FEEL SO SO SOOOOOO DISGUSTED.
ITS DISGUSTING! YUCKS! WHY CAN'T THAT EW STOP SMILING AND TALKING LIKE THAT? AND, TO MAKE IT WORSE, EW TALKS TO HIM! WALAO!!! !^ @#!
BUAY TA HAN LAAAAAAA!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
NEXT TIME I SEE THAT SCENE AGAIN, I SWEAR I WILL SKIN THAT EW ALIVE! RAWR. IF THEY WEREN'T IN THE OTHER COURT, IF I WERE HOLDING THE BALL, IF I WASN'T INVOLVED IN THE GAME........ HOW GREAT WOULD IT BE TO SEE SOME BLOOD SPILLING...... If I'm the one to slash open the wound, I wun mind even if EW's blood splatters all over =) Seeing the act and not being able to do anything abt it is MUCH MUCH more disgusting that getting blood splattered over.
k here I go........
L** X*N Y*, YOU SUCK. YOU ARE AN IDIOT. YOU SUCK TO THE CORE. YOU ARE DISGUSTING! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT AND STOP FUCKING TALKING AND SMILING TO HIM! WORDS CANT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW IDIOTIC AND DISGUSTING YOU ARE! FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hn.
And why the hell am i getting pissed off juz coz they talked? Why is he still affecting me? sian sia.
At the end of it all, am i pissed off coz they talked, or am i pissed off with myself coz i am still affected by him?
Gr. No matter, I AM DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMNNNN PISSED!
RAWR.
I'm in a murderous mood now.
--------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------
no matter. Went to RED RAIN ROCK CONCERT abt 3 days ago. It was fun and totally enjoyable. as expected =) third Red Rain already, and they never fail to blow me off my feet with their songs =)
Went to play with Mc Family group 2 days ago. It was damn fun =)
Thats the best things that happened these few weeks.
-------------------------------------------
my life is so so screwed up.

2010-05-03T13:24:00.003+08:00

rawr. i screwed up big big BIG time =.=
life screwed up.
forgetting screwed up.
maths test screwed up.
planning screwed up.
homework not done.
napfa not cleared, 4 more to go....
revision not started, and prelim's a week away......

haiz.
i hate trigo..........
remind me what i hate again? yes! trigo! =.=
nah. i hate school in general.
why? coz life's fucked up enough without school.
...
temper's getting from bad to worse...........
and my temper is not good to begin with.
H-A-I-Z.......
k, that was random. but, whatever~~rrrr

2010-04-18T00:09:00.002+08:00

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
Therefore, I can infer that: When the keeping gets tough, the tough gets kept.
And I'm at that phase. Good or bad for me, I don't know. Heck. I don't want to know.
In any case, I've had a not-so-good day today. When have I ever had a good day, anyway? Don't really remember having one...... Was finishing up homework, reading books, keeping memories and putting away stuffs into the corner corner of my mind. Did not really succeed from yesterday till now, but I had a proper headstart. It is my belief that the worst part should be over. Even if its not, there is nothing left to hurt, really. Either all in pieces and can't really feel, or is numb from all the hurt & pain & humilation. Nothing I can do about that, really. I've had about enough trying to do anything at all anyway. Really..... Its enough.
Plan has been carried out well. Although its forced.... But at least its better than the previous situation I guess =]
Shall accelerate tmr. And by Monday, it should be more or less done. Or I will act like its done. What ever.
Me, I'm extremely stubborn. I have decided and will never step back. I will succeed in carrying out my plan, no matter what it will do. Coz I trust my willpower.
Should never let it get out of hand anyway. Not when I've seen all the signs and deciphered what the tarot cards tell me.
Now, I appreciate my time alone, as I always did. I'm just not a social person. It was a mistake from the start to get close to humans anyway. Realised that a little too late, but at least I realised. And that mistake will never, ever be repeated again. Being alone suits me better in all sense. I face things better alone, I study better alone, I feel better alone, I sort out things better alone. And so I shall keep my distance from now on. From all humans, by the way. I shall go back into my own world, which I have stupidly left sometime last year or so.
I hate to have others worry about me or feel sad for me. Apparently some idiots (in a nice way) do. Notice: SOME. Yep. only that few la. Can count with one hand. Wonder why they care about a person/devil like me. I'm not worth it. Seriously.
EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE. Even if it isn't, you just have to act like its all fine =]

2010-04-17T02:07:00.002+08:00

went to Leona's hse =]
Made Jia Lin angry earlier on D: sorry. =(
haiz. LIFE SUCKS and only gets suckier. bleh.
sports day today was damn stupid. went thr and psp-ed all the way with some homework. i broke at least four high scores! and i clear-ed a club! hoo hoo. but hor. haiz. life still sucks.
decided to re-organise my mind and all now. i won't forget. i juz won't remember (its NOT, i repeat, NOT the same thing) i dun intend to carry on screwing up MY life and making my life more difficult & more sucky. Life is difficult and sucks as it is, ESPECIALLY IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS. I've had enough!!! >=( If this is how it feels like, I won't ever EVER go through it again. Once is too much. hn.
btw, global warming is very serious now...... IT IS BLOODY WARM! 32 degree celcius! o-m-g. Seriously, one day i will melt due to all the heat and stuffs. Been sweating like mad the past few weeks/months. & i dun like to be all sweaty amd sticky and warm. =(
life sucks and sucks and sucks. and my mind's screwed up even though i've made a decision. wth?
One of these days, i'm gonna try to go to the movies ALONE =)

2010-04-10T09:46:00.003+08:00

Last performance with Wind Orchestra later..... haiz. last performance of my 4 years.
I still rmb my first performance as a sec 1 with the seniors..... it was near the end of year. i wasn't very good den.
next was sec 2. As usual, we did a lot of performances. den, i think it was around the early middle of the year? We got our magnificent Grade 6 piece: The Inn of the Sixth Happiness which comprises of three movements; I London Prelude, II Romantic Interlude, III Happy Ending. Using this song and Postcard From Singapore, we got our first Gold at the Genting International Band competition^^
Subsequently, SYF'09. The forever pain in my heart man.... BUT we played the songs well, so... No regrets there. Only sad that we couldn't get the expected medal for our conductors (Mr Png & Mr Lum) and our seniors. Well. We still clinched the Silver award with The Inn of the Sixth Happiness and Overture No. 1. A very high level in the Silver at that. only a few pico-metres (10^-12) away from the Gold. Then performances went on as usual..... and Seniors stepped down. =( and Wind Orchestra was never the same again. Half of the fun graduated along with them. Den, Mr Lum left, Mr Png left. Due to the horrible peanuts pay and some idiots in the school. From then. Band is no longer fun. All joy, laughter and enthusiasm from playing music left. =( __ Wind Orchestra is pretty much dead.
Sec 4: 2 idiots came to take over our band at a high pay with all the back-up they want from this supposedly POOR school. the best magic on Earth man.... I've been hearing that we dun have enough band fund and the schoool is poor from sec 1.... We couldn't buy new instruments for our Genting competition so we had to borrow from other schools.... We only bought a few instruments for SYF... Some of it came from Mr Png's own pocket. we also had to borrow some instruments... And now? wow. all damaged instruments to be sent for repair. Money wasn't an issue. new instruments were bought. Promised was that everyone will have their own instrument. yep. one instru per member. Pay of the two idiots are double of Mr Png's. yes. Double. Both the 'conductor' and the 'assistant conductor'. Now i ask: Why the double-standard? where is their support when we needed it? and they dared to blame our conductor for not achieving the gold? hello? we did that in Genting! We made the best out of what ever we had or borrowed... since the support given to us was half-hearted... haiz. Now? wow. full support man. what can i say? maybe its really good for our conductors (Mr Png and Mr Lum) to leave. at least they wun have to put up with this idiotic school.
anw, after some performances here and there..... yay. I'm having my last performance today. just.... 9 hours from now. after 10 or 11 hours, I will not perform with this band ever again. i can pon the practices all i want, and i will step down. cant wait man. but i worry for my juniors. now i know how our seniors felt like when they are graduating.... just that they had to worry about many more things. haiz.
I'm still not very good now, but i dare say i've improved over these years.
speaking of the performance later on..... WHAT AN INSULT TO US SEC 4s AND SOME SEC 3s! PIECES FOR BEGINNING BAND? o-m-g. i played pieces of this standard in sec 1. all other pieces i played from sec 2 onwards is more difficult than these 2 pieces! Just a few months ago, we were playing a Grade 6 piece! Now? for our finale performance? a beginning band piece: The ultimate insult. what a 'glorious' ending to our secondary band life. YUCKS.
...

2010-04-02T02:32:00.001+08:00

Problems still not solved yet.
But at least I know how I feel now.
... Saiyuki & Inuyasha: The Final Act ROCKS!
Fluncked Vectors test... ytd.

2010-03-28T20:55:00.005+08:00

gah. what the hell is the problem with me nowadays? ... haiz. buay tahan.
i get pissed off when i see smth. but when i realised i got pissed off by that, i get even more pissed off with myself, coz i simply dunno why it bothers me and i simply can't ignore it. so, what is the effect? I get super pissed off and frustrated with none other than... myself. so stupid. But, when was i ever smart/clever?? never.
RAWR.
time to continue reflecting. time will prove everything, yea?
you just see right through me, but only if you knew me...
when i saw you standing there.... It must have been....
i can feel my heart, its beating in my chest...

gah. i dunno what to do with my life anymore. its like its not my life anymore. i know i screwed up big time..... for not taking control of my life, for letting myself by affected by *** every single gesture, action, word & expression. when ** is happy, i will be happy no matter what i've juz went through.... but when ** is sad, oh, i can never smile no matter what happens.
THIS DEVIL HAS SCREWED UP BIG BIG TIME!
...
& i dunno what to do to rectify it! all i've got are temporary solutions or ways to escape & run away (ignore, avoid) and its all zhi biao bu zhi ben de!
.....
well. the least i can do is to hide away these thinking & feelings right? Let's pretend nothing ever happened! no stupid questions were asked, no stupid stuffs were spread, no realisation, no pain... ok, right. right... Right???

& so i shall keep everything to myself! just like before....

2010-03-28T03:06:00.002+08:00

This Devil is really damn tired. its 3.06 AM now. have to wake up at 7.30 ltr coz gt work at 10am till 6 pm. den have to chiong hmwk. great =.= AND I DUNNO HOW TO DO A MATHS CHPT 17!!! RAWR! TRIGO, I DUN LIKE YOU! ><
found out who tt person was. sadly, cant bring myself to make her life worse then hell. haiz. shall juz wait for myself to cool down. >=(
Did tarot reading to find solution. er. results not very good. but at least its accurate. i know what i should do now =] haiz. REFLECT!!!!!
D***o h** to ***e *i***** la ><
s***y, but i tried my best.
my life is still screwed up.

293rd. =(

2010-03-19T00:49:00.003+08:00

Its 1am, 19 March 2010 now. This Devil has just had one of the worstEST hours in her life. Seriously, life SUCKS. Hate. It.
not fair. its MY matters, how come everyone noes abt it be4 i do? HUH?
troubled. HOW to face ppl, esp. * * * from now on?
dreading. MONday. hope i dun have to go to school.
bad. SICK. fever. running nose. sore throat. blocked nose.
no. BAND tmr. due to illness. and i juz dun wanna step into school so soon.
God, if you exist out there somewhere, please please, just PLEASE tell me what to do. I seriously seriously... ... argh.
Seems like some distance will put everything back alright, right? Yep. Distance and coldness and barrier is what's needed.
stupid. juz realised what a troublesome, irritating, stupid, slow Devil i am. honestly, what.the.F.U.C.K.
what.the.H.E.L.L.
what.the.C.R.A.P.
shag.
whatever.
Really, some stupid busybody in 4A with the XX chromosome, go & mind your own business. i.e. go away, fuck off! -notice stupid & busybody & XX chromosome. guys are out. ceh meh is out. chin bee etc etc... is out. hur hur. i wonder who's that person =) i will screw her upside down. not literally, of course. never. i will only make her life worse than hell and she'll regret that she ever ever did that =)
I need to sort this out.
...

but I'm tired.

changed blogskin =D

2010-02-27T19:31:00.004+08:00

Yours Truly is in a real good mood today & ytd & ytd's ytd =)
Even though i totally flunked Phy SPA today (over liao ma)
& got pissed off by piak again (haha. i walked out of her class =D)
& Even Zhiyu calls me bao zhu jie =.=
& attended a lesson of "Ching Yee's dancing/stretching class" with esther & wan ying [lol. no la. its juz for fun (= ]

This Devil will, from now on,
-listen & pay attention in class no matter how irritating or boring it may be.
-try to do well.

oh man. i onlined for like, 6 and a half hours?!?!?! GAH! OhMyTian~ TIME TO STUDY!
High on my personal addiction^^ =) =D XD

2010-02-24T19:07:00.003+08:00

I dunno which is worse: getting your ligaments bruised by knocking into a wall or having superb healing speed that it recovers two day after; just in time for you to do the numerous homework and a test that you are not prepared for. =.=
So, on Monday.... I was walking out of my bathroom, tying my hair with my elbows sticking out in front of me. I turned at a corner and my right elbow, by some chance, knocked hard into the wall. (i was walking at high speed coz i was almost late for school) F.My.Life. WTH. thinking it is only a small injury and would only cause a bruise, i went to school, only to find out i cant really use my right hand and the pain didn't cease. oh, and the point of contact of my elbow and the wall had sunk in (it caved in, a little) and swelled up later, together with the whole of my right hand. thnk god its not obvious.
aft school, went to Hougang to see doctor (as instructed by my mother) oh. saw Joash by coincidence. Super qiao. Anw anw, the sinseh say must go have X-ray first... so, my journey went from Anchorvale (school) to SengKang (home) to Hougang (sinseh) then back to SengKang AGAIN (bath, eat) den to Changi General Hospital (X-ray) wth. waited abt 4-5 hrs just to see doctor, bandage my elbow, take medicine and get X-ray. my elbow is not broken or fractured, by the way, and i'm NOT sorry if it disappointed anybody =] chatted with sw over phone while waiting. lols. super random and hilarious la the conver.
skipped morning classes on tues. couldn't wake up aft taking medicine (it is strong pain relief and muscle relaxtant (sp) which causes serious drowsiness) went to school at 11 am. right aft recess ma. thought could attend aftnoon lessons.... but! i forgot that there's 'emergency' exercise. So, i'm stuck at the main gate with teachers, waiting for permission to get into school. wa piang~ zao zhi dao jiu chi yi dian qu le! >< at the main gate thr damn hot + teachers keep asking if i were one of the 'injured actors' that participated in the excercise coz my hand was bandaged. I am really injured, ok? haiz. Bullied Pondan & Sotong Giant aft lessons =) Elbow was much better today. Although it was cold (not swelling anymore) due to the poor blood circulation caused by the tight bandages. haiz. still took PE though. since i decided to exercise...... sigh... un-bandaged hand aft PE coz for some reason, my right hand was really really cold and was turning slightly red/purplish. i dun nid the support provided by the bandage anw, its almost healed =] (except for the pain felt when i bend my elbow) oh. and the antipipated bruise finally showed up today. talk abt lag_ 2 days! wow~ so, after sleeping for around 4-5 times (long & short sleeps), my elbow is now (almost) completely healed! yay!!! and its only the third day.... the doctor bluff me la! he said that it shld take abt 1 week.... hn. thx to all for concerns, i'm really fine =] Since when is a Devil hurt for a long time? haha. oh. we played the passing around your booklet and writing other's positive traits on their booklet game today during PC. i wrote myself as pessimistic, sadist, evil & stuffs. lols. and i wrote random but relevant stuffs on other's booklet =)
lol. quite touched (?) at what others think of me.
-Innocent ( an innocent devil? O.o)
-fierce in a nice way (only agree with the first part =])
-fun! (lol!)
-fierce at times, but really cool !! :) (woa. thxx.... didn't know i was cool O.o)
-fun till maximum (really? i'm flattered!)
-Emo :D haha JK good player of mahjong? o.o (THIS SHLD BE YEEHANG! UNTIDY HANDWRITING! XD)
-Great listener(= (JIALIN'S handwriting! thx even if tts not true)
-寶珠姐 , You are really a great friend, a great girl like the real 寶珠姐 XD (PONDAN! DUN INSULT 寶珠! anw, dun you feel weird for calling me a girl? ... XD)
-good Friend! (The unmistakable pen ink & way of curving the tail of 'g's & handwriting, One-Bear! ^^)
-keep us entertained by all your beatings (: Helpful! (ho. lols. drop me ur name and i'll 'Entertain' you very often XD haha. er. i'm helpful?)
-Funny at times... =) (lol. if i'm funny all the time, i wld be a clown!)
-friendly :D Yays, let's have more fun times together :) (lol. by pranking others? =P)
-Good friend who is nice to chat with :) (lols. thx, even if that is not true)
-Friendly (really? O.o lols)
-YOU'RE FUN, SMART & EVERYTHING NICE... BECOS: YOU ONCE LIKED ARASHI. :B (this is Ru Nan coz i saw her writing this! lol. so if i continue liking Arashi, will i become slim and grow taller?? XD)
funny how ppl say i'm friendly & a good friend when ppl say i anti-social and emo and evil =]
its uber late now.... so i shld be completing my mountians of homework T^T haiz. CT in 4/5days' time! OMG! all my subs are damn lan..... My A. MATHS!!!! OMG! SURE FAIL LIAO! thx to a certain piak!
searching for a new blogskin~

290th post! yayy

2010-02-21T17:13:00.003+08:00

ugh. Have tons of homework piling up and I'm here, online, blogging???!!! horrible. ok so i'm only going to be online for an hour or so and then, i'll be off to.... pay off my homework debt. which roughly translates to: NO ANIME OR MANGA T.T oh, and no drama watching too. haiz. and at this depressing time, my superb Msn Messenger REFUSES TO LET ME SIGN IN! RAWR! well, not that i am dying to sign in, anyway. I juz wanted to... erm. nvm.
watched 6 episodes of the Vampire Diaries ytd. highly recommended series by Xiao Hui Joanna (sp) since i got that Mio TV thingy at home and its freeee, i watched it. and... the series turned out to be.... quite good =) only that thrs too much of the scenes that i dun like..... haiz. I want more fighting scenes!! then something pissed me off. i couldn't watch episode 7..... RAWR! and then i found out that i can only ONLY watch it on Saturdays =.= ok, what the hell?!?! MY EPISODE 7 OF THE VAMPIRE DIARIES!!! stupid. I'm gonna get the book! and wait for Saturday to arrive. haiz.
Juz realised Common Test is in like, 8 more days. HOLY CRAP! I dun get any of the chapters taught this year! someone tell me i'm dead meat. haiz. so the next 7 days will be..... STUDYING DAY!!!! and the 8th day will be mad revising for the test on the 9th day. hardy-har-har. same strategy as last year. only revise one day before the test/exam. I have a feeling that i wun make it this time round. haiz. I WANT A GOOD MATHS TEACHER!!!!! RAWR! =.=
lols. Eu June called me just now... I'm obviously at home la. not working today ma. judging from his pissed off voice, he was at McD. lols. too bad tt he didnt call me before going thr. he could've avoided making a wasted trip. pai seh la~
haiz. time to go in search of some new songs..... renew my playlist and to keep me company during study times.
I need to find my motivation to study again! maybe i'll re-use the motivation from last year?
STEPPING DOWN FROM BAND IN LESS THAN... 2 MONTHS!!!!! WOO HOO! I'm pretty sure our juniors will survive without us now (they are getting better and they are hard working! surprisingly?) although their standard haven match our seniors' yet. hm. have a bit of mixed feelings now that i'm leaving band soon..... but... oh well. at least no more GROSS after i step down =)

2010-02-17T21:42:00.003+08:00

wa. 15 days nvr use com le. Thx to all for making my LNY & Valentine's such an awesome one =)
lols. gave out a lot of chocolates & sweets to ppl with ceh meh & SL. worked consecutively for 5 days. damn tired. sprained right ankle x2. pain =( got bruise. no feeling. got ang bao.
gave out Doraemon to seniors & R.O.B. lolxx. =))))
Interesting thinking ppl have nowadays. Eu June & Shao Zchuen & Klaryce & some other ppl..... haiz. Ceh meh and stupid Pondan insulted Bao Zhu jie frm 'Hi my sweetheart' today. lols.
pranked Pondan, Pondan #2, Sotong Giant, juniors and bandmates today. lol. today too high la. coz something unexpectedly good happened. although i had to take cab and waste $5.60 just to get to school on time........ haiz.
Saw something breathtakingly beautiful during PE today. wun forget for my life ^^ -off specs, open eyes.
Hm. wore Ronda's black-frame-sorta-nerdy glasses aft band today. Eliza says i look guai in it. lol? Devil? guai? what a joke of the century haha. But i felt studious when wearing specs..... hm. maybe can consider getting a pair of degree-less nice specs to aid me in my studies^^ oh no. Devil is gna become slightly, just very slightly, studious. BUT I'M DEFINITELY NOT TURNING INTO A NERD!!! RAWR!

Why, oh why is life so complicated? haiz. Mac tt side gt things to worry abt.... and i haven sort out my thinking & feelings. and then ppl had to mess up & disturb my already-slow progress! RAWR!!!!! >< >< hm. think i'm almost done with my sorting out though. its juz how to deal with it la.... haiz.

Things TO DO!!!!
1) Finish up all my homework
2) Revise
3) study
4) have fun & maybe get degree-less specs
5) cut my hair (dunno trim or cut short)
6) secret ;P

lol. will be adding more to that lists......
RAWR!!!!! Black is my double lucky colour =) -Horoscope (this week only) & Zodiac =))

羅志祥 - 生理时钟 is damn damn nice!!! esp. the opening!!!!
counting down to that day =)

2010-02-02T21:21:00.005+08:00

I don't want Itachi to die.... =( T.T T_T ..><.. *sniffs* *cry*

I WANT MY ITACHI..................

"Sorry, Sasuke. This is it."

134-141. Watched 3 times, teared 3 times. T^T

stupid mood spoiler =.=

2010-02-02T16:33:00.003+08:00

slept ealier than usual ytd, woke up wif good mood & thought today will be a good day. how wrong i was =]
stupid mood spoiler "teacher" came & mess with me. idiot. according to reliable source, teacher is someone who you can learn things from. I dun rmb learning anything useful from her. what did she do? pull down my A maths marks. hello, its not 1 or 2 marks. ITS 40 MARKS.
oh, remind me what people always say? You must respect your elders and teachers?
Fuck that.
I say respect is to be earned. and, to put it plainly, i dun see anything she did that deserves my respect, or even, my attention.
Had to act nonchalant when i'm in a killing mood this whole day. hn. McCafe training comes in useful =) mask ur emotions. must smile even if you are exploding on the inside. even if you dont mean it, apologise.
Fuck this & Screw that. I hate my life. I hate sec 4. I dun hate A maths, but i DO dislike the stupid idiot who rants on.
I see no reason to smile or to be happy. To hell with all those nonsense. Happiness is a choice. yea right =.= what ever gives you the right to comment on my life? you dun even know what i'm going through, you dont even know what kind of choice i have.
you are not a patient person? hardy har-ha. I'm not one too. I bet my temper can rise faster and higher than yours.
your blood is boiling? HA. I'd say mine evaporated long time ago.

Wanted to juz walk out of that boring and cramped classroom. But, due to the consequences that follows, (eg. family call, PTA) decided not to. Detention and bad SGC report? ha. like i care abt that.

& thrs still the h**** stuffs to work out and worry and think about. And i'm poorer at this than at maths and biology. haiz. frustrated. but cant get angry. wth?

...... Nan Chiau High SUCKS TO THE CORE. Idiot. Mum kena called up.
Seriously.
I.HATE.THIS.

I need an anime and manga and drama overdose. bye to homework and studies. although i decided to work hard on you all....
If i dun get my anime and manga and drama overdose, who knows what will happen tomorrow??

JUST.FUCK.OUT.OF.MY.LIFE.

周覓! Su Ju-M!

2010-01-16T03:28:00.005+08:00

changed blogskin coz Danson de skin use quite long le.... bye danson, hi sj-m! lol. juz happened to see this skin while browsing through blogskins so.... yea. use lor.

first heard of sj-m on yu le bai fen bai. den kena 'electrocuted' by Zhou Mi (mostly by his glasses) lol?

Super Junior M__ Super Girl

Hey

Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ Oh~

Oh~ 超级超级的女孩

Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ Oh~

看我看看我不要总是想着他

不爱不爱他不爱你你的完美胜过他

不要再盯着那手机不要再那三心二意

你明白的你清楚的我超级的女孩

有时候想起他送你的花 (丢掉快丢掉吧)

还有他那最迷人的微笑 (忘掉快忘掉吧)

他的温柔还会让你颠倒 (醒来快醒来吧)

你的好是多么神秘请让我好好地保密

Oh My super girl 你是我的Baby Girl

他看不见你的魅力平凡背后的魔力

Oh My super girl 我是你的Super man

你的眼神让我着迷为了你我什么都愿意

Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ Oh~

Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ (My love My love My love)

看我看看我不要总是随着他

如果他说喜欢你就算再忙也能够等到你

那一定是他说的谎话那一定不是真心的话

Oh~别相信吧离开吧 Oh~快回到我身边吧

有时候想起他送你的花 (丢掉快丢掉吧)

还有他那最迷人的微笑 (忘掉快忘掉吧)

他的温柔还会让你颠倒 (醒来快醒来吧)

你的好是多么神秘请让我好好地保密

Oh My super girl 你是我的Baby Girl

他看不见你的魅力平凡背后的魔力

Oh My super girl 我是你的Super man

你的眼神让我着迷为了你我什么都愿意

开心地难过地答应你都陪你都陪你都陪你

准备了全世界最好的爱最贵的爱

等你搬进我的心里来

幸福的权力不要放弃

全世界最完美的唯一

Wu~~~~

Oh My super girl 你是我的Baby Girl

他看不见你的魅力平凡背后的魔力

Oh My super girl 我是你的Super man

你的眼神让我着迷为了你我什么都愿意

你是我最超级的女孩 (别再等待等待)

跟着我一起飞到未来 (爱情不用彩排彩排)

我是你最超级的依赖 (别再等待等待)

跟着我一起飞到未来(爱情不用彩排彩排)

Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ Oh~
Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ Oh~
Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ Oh~
Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ Oh~
Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ (My love My love My love)
Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ Oh~ (My love My love My love)

2010-01-15T23:34:00.005+08:00

Super sian. NCWO = bye bye (conductor changed. Band dun feel band-ish anymore) COUNTING DOWN 3 or 4 MORE MONTHS TILL STEPPING DOWN! i dun like the new conductor. smell of cologne super strong (smellyyyy) and damn it i juz dun like him. BLEHHH
class seating arrangement change again. now its EuJune-me-RuNan-YiXiong Eu June ok wad. quite a good and funny person. dunno which person anyhow say he attitude... whr got?
sad. dunno why one bear keep on daoing me. even if he answer me also like very sian... he dun want to answer like. erm. as if by answering me he will become stupid or it takes a great deal of effort to talk to me. is it just me? Did i do something wrong? .><. =(((( can continue to higher chinese =)
Its like a lot of ppl change drastically over the dec hols. sian.
Homework juz pile up...... like a rolling snowball... it juz gets more and more, no matter how i try to finish it... one day, i'm gonna get crushed by this huge snowball.
school got a lot of things to think abt, to reflect, to worry, to be sad, to do...... now Mc also gt things to worry abt and to think abt..... haiz.
Anyone want to play Pool with me?

2010-01-02T01:44:00.002+08:00

hm.... quite long since i blogged eh? lol. busy working the past few days mahh... time to do some updating since i MIA-ed for so long.

-went for class/group outing on 23 dec i think^^ lol. quite dumb quite fun. cycled double bike with jia lin =)) slacked and crapped with many many ppl... but mostly with chin bee & jia lin i think. cant really rmb le.... haiz. my bad, my bad.

-spent Christmas eve & Christmas earning $$ at Cafe. Double pay on Xmas! muahahahaha. spammed msg to ppl =)

- spent last day of year 2009 at Cafe too. earning $$. went for countdown with my dear 'kor kors', Nizam and Yun Wei (xiao Huang) at dhoby ghaut. not really countdown la. we juz went somewhere near Istana to slack and see fireworks and to pop coke! lol. making coke pop/explode like champagne is xiao Huang's new year resolution. den aft that went for supper at a serangoon hawker. The food not bad^^ but feel very bad coz they paid for my supper and cab fare.
spammed msg to ppl =)

-spent first day of year 2010 at..... ya. Cafe also. haha. see, i so dedicated to earning money... erm... dedicated to Cafe, i mean. er hm er hm... *cough cough*

well. school is reopening in 2 days time.... haiz. school feels like so long ago lor. not used to going back school.... sian. oh. and my holiday homework is not finished yet!! holy.... holey. jia lat jia lat. ... ... aiya nvm la. heck care liao. planning to be late on the first day of school coz.... i dun wanna choose my seating + i wanna sleep in.... Actually wanted to skip school de.... but. aiya. not good to pon school right. and i have to adjust back to school life soon so.... ya. no more Cafe on weekdays =( bye bye money~ hello school ><>

Seriously hoping Maths teacher will change. i dun wan my maths to fail again...... sec 3 can pass & get good marks (for my standard la) is all thanks to maths genius (almost angered him to death & puke blood) cannot keep troubling ppl wad. sad but yea. if maths teacher nvr change, i'm very sure i will have to drop A maths and fail my E maths....... sad sad.

hm. not writing out my new year resolution here. too much to write & i want to accomplish it by myself, quietly =)

so...... signing off......

Bye, 2009.

Hi, 2010.

Bye, my secondary three.

Hello, my sec 4 life & torture.

Time to grow up i guess.

Happy New Year pull ur ear^^

oh. i'm going to emo again.....

speechless. suck thumb. blah.

hehe^^

random.

ja ne^^ oyasuminasai^^

2009-12-13T20:22:00.003+08:00

hurh hurh..... I topped the Espresso class!!! yay~ lol. yea its late news.... but.... wadeva la. got 98% for theory de... den practical wasn't so good so the overall result is 92.5% =( so sad.
daladala.... so went bck to cafe ytd and today. i gotta earn more money..... Aiming for christmas double pay!!! my beloved double pay........ missed the last one due to class bbq (but its worth it!! coz saw - and kena heart attack =.=)
hm. saw Michelle today. says she went for tuition. poor thing >< thnk god i no tuition. saw darren too. he sneaked to the cafe during his break time. and he look damn tired.
oh and i saw a uber neattttttt guy (translate to normal ppl's saying: cute/shuai) ytd and today. his order: small cappuccino. heng i can make a ok cup of cappuccino le. phew~ well. how neattttttt is he? he resembles Jay Chou. Yep. No kidding. he looks like Jay Chou. as in the Zhou Jie Lun. The singer of Qi Li Xiang, Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi, Ju Hua Tai, Wo Bu Pei etc etc..... The main lead and director of Secret, Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi. yea. THAT Jay Chou. Only that he is whiter and a little, only a little more chibi/bit-size than Jay la. --he still growing la. && in my opinion. he looks neattttt-er than Jay Chou. ok enough ranting abt the neattttt guy. I'm not going boy-craze like some ppl..... Its juz that looking at neatttt guys can bring some salvation to eyes and protect eyes from too much damage.
oh. homework still not finished yet =.= sianz z z z z z z z z z z z z
omg school opening soon. T_T homework still left loadsssss.....
i need more time!!!!!!!!!!
To Do:
Eng
5 newspaper reflection
2 book review
1 research on a country
2 compre

SS
2 essay

Phy
SQSS paper 2

Chem
TYS- all topics

Bio
5 1000-word essay + reference link

hm. thats abt all. T_T left 21 more days..... and only 6 or 5 days is free. help --- - - - ---

2009-12-09T18:52:00.002+08:00

wah zai. now i'm damn tired.....
had Espresso class ytd and today. having the final class tmr..... super long sia. 9-5 with a lunch break of 12-1. &&tmr is The Test omg. lol. no la. i only scared i fail practical =.= the theory no kick one. (more like i dun wanna study. haha) had to wake up at 6 since class held at Mac headoffice which is like, in Bukit Timah?? Travelling time: 1-1.5 hr. haiz. tired.
First day:
theory..... ppt slide.... video *sleep*
lunch at bukit timah plaza.
practical. finished frothing a whole carton of milk with 3 classmates. (wa pathetic sia. only 4 students and a trainer in one class... but its good since we dun have to fight for anything)
redeemed voucher. go home.
Second day:
practical. lunch. practical. finished 4th carton of milk!! wakaka wahaha. but my skill still cmi. haiz. add oil!
Third day:
eh. dunno yet leh. its tmr ma. but most likely having theory and practical, lunch den test. wah sianz.
at least i get paid for going to classes^^
Q: What is a Barista?
A: Someone trained in the Art of Espresso=.= how lame can it get?
must get top in class tmr if not.... hur hur. will be nagged/scolded by ppl and will disappoint ppl. stress la~
theory- shld have no prob bah..... read jiu can le!
frothing milk- eh. by luck lor. sometimes ok sometimes jia lat. my skill not there yet.
cappuccino- depends on the milk la. of milk good den can. if not jia lat.
flat white- oso depends on the milk.
Latte- wah. difficult. depends greatly on the milk and the skill oso very important (sadly my skill oso not there)
haiz. liddat how to pass?? how to get top in class??
push tmr aside-----
met nice nice ppl in class!! the trainer and classmates all super nice!

holy...---- homework not done yet. chiong homework laaaaaaa

2009-11-30T15:58:00.002+08:00

hurh. i forgot to update again. yet again. haiz
so we had BBQ on the 27th nov. class BBQ + Ms Ong bdae!!!! =)))) lol. quite fun la. slack here slack there play here play there. din play dodgeball =(((((( coz i scared i injure ppl. see i so nice *pukes* hm. played truth or dare or double dare with ppl who also dun wanna play dodgeball. quite funny, quite stupid , quite lame. lol. also quite fun luhh.
oh did i mention thrs a cat who loved our BBQ pit so much he/she keep coming to the BBQ pit? lol. ppl feed it. i wanted to play with it!!! but, since i'm not good at communicating with animals (hey i rmb i can until i entered sec 1) i decided not to disturb it. =(
hm. i lost my way for 2 mins when i tried to go to the pit. michelle says i shld go to ciyuan cc first....... but i went to hougang st 91. stated in sms having the bbq at st 91 wad. how i noe >< ... ... lol.
almost had heart attack when met up with them..... reason i dun wanna say. coz the reason too weird le. i also dunno why. haiz. rate increased from 100/80 to 200/160. ok maybe thats exaggerated but thats how it felt luh. dunno wad i'm talking abt, nvm. coz its better that no one knows =] ...... at least gt smth to bioh at =) hurh.
hm. thats all i rmb abt the BBQ. thats why i'm going backwards in the events. recalling =.= well. i nvr touch the BBQ pit this time =))) wore jeans (aiya, no more shorts/bermudas le) din start fire din touch food din help in bbq of food. so i juz there to... erm.... play? haha.

still working. heng i not fired. made alot of mistakes. major mistakes. esp ytd. wah my sixth sense is super accurate de lor. haiz. but i will NOT give up. hn. its too early to give up now! only 2nd/3rd day! and i met so many super nice ppl there lor.

super bad, hmwk still stuck. not finished yet! argh. sian. jia lattttt. ok maybe i shld go work on the hmwk now.

280th post

2009-11-23T22:33:00.002+08:00

hurhur. I'm hooked on Kuroshitsuji!!!! (well, not that its any new news.....) I'm watching the anime (again.) and reading the manga (again) and waiting for the rest of the manga to come out (still).... Kuroshitsuji got OVA!!!!!! muahahahahahahahaha.... good news, great news, splendid news!!! Next I'm gonna wish that D. Gray-man part 2 comes out soon.
Pluto. Is. So. CUTE!!!!!!!!!! Well. He can do with more, much more clothes (at times) la. But... He's still cute!!!! Pluto!! Pu-Ru-To!!!! =^^=
Naruto Shippuuden.... Hope it come out fast so I can continue watching! But hope it doesn't come out so fast (so that Itachi, the beloved super-uber-good-neat-&-fine guy, dun have to bye-bye so soon) uhhh. headache.

Today went to report for work! Learnt alot alot of new things!!! But, from what I heard, some of the things I'm taught are wrong & problemtic la... But hey, I DID learn alot of things!
4 hrs for trying out & training and.... I PASSED!! yay~ so can continue to receive further training and continue to work and can continue to earn $$!
Overcame by the aroma of coffee the whole time I'm at the, ah, counter. Behold! The power of caffeine and aroma of coffee! Well. Dun go around smelling the coffee beans though. Coffee Beans give out carbon dioxide so the aroma includes a large amt of CO2..... Aiya. No wonder I keep yawning today. must be because of the coffee beans. (eh. I always yawning what. Maybe not the coffee bean's fault la)
Learnt to do...
Steam milk (frothing)
Fluffy
Mochaholic, the new promotional drink that is available until 3 Jan.....
Cappuccino
Himalayan Tea Frappe
Flat White
Double chocolate frappe
Espresso
Long Black
aiya and many many other things la. Except i forgot what i learnt =P
k. going revise now....
Oh and i;ve got to go do all the horrible homework AND i have another task on my (already-full) hands now.... Go For The THYPHOID INJECTION (is that how its spelt??) tsk. ah great. =.= aw man.
so, I'm working at **Cafe... a particular.... a certain Cafe.... At.... ***an. haha. who did i learn this technique of annoying ppl outta their heads by *-ing the alphabets XD nah. its all over the place now (i think)
k. seriously going to revise now...
3
2
1
-poof-

2009-11-21T22:59:00.004+08:00

ytd went meeting. met up with organisers, went to check out places with jia lin, met up again. um. quite fun? but tiring..... Hey we saw BEARS!!!!^^ cute cute bears^^ hoho. Jaslyn went crazy over them too. sw went crazy over cats and acting superman in lifts and doing yoga in lifts. all of us went crazy over playing.
oh man. homework not finished yet... heck. not even half done ><
maybe i'll be able to squeeze some free time out of the hectic... stuffs and chiong all hmwk. ugh. oh. the manga is still stuck at the cover page. i swear swear jeannie's killing me. thank god she didnt ask abt it and she doesnt come to my blog (ok maybe she forgot all abt it since its soooo history) hurh.
SECTION OUTING's APPROACHINGGGGG!!! AND THEN (hopefully) THE SECTION HOODIE WILL BE DONE! YAYYYYYYY~ best news in the week, month, year, decade!!!!! erm. maybe not so exaggerated? O.o
To do list:
1) study notes on McCafe (lots of theory and memorising)
2) Eng hmwk (2 bk review, 2 compre, 5 newspaper reflection, 1 movie review, 1 research project)
3) HCL hmwk (1 compre, 1 1/2 newspaper reflection)
3) Phy hmwk (SQSS Eoy P2, self study 2 chpt)
4) Chem hmwk (TYS all structured Q, ws on redox chpt)
5) Bio hmwk (5 essays on.. uh.... forgot xP, self study chpts)
6) S.S. hmwk (2 essays)
7) Band hmwk.... research on trumpet, halfway done.
great. 1 off the list, 2 more in. seems like its never ending, eh? and, by the way, does hmwk pile up by an interest of 5% a day or what? =.= forget it. worst come to worst, copy from some nice nice ppl lor... erm. did i mention worst come to worst? sorry. correction. its should be The Best Option Of All^^
uh. my hair is still looking jia lat from the haircut. my poor fringe!!! T_T like 1/4 of it kena bowl cut/bangs..... horrible. heng the rest still slanted. still can rescue, given a time frame of 1 month (hair grows...)
oh i still have my anti social wardrobe to save... #8 on my to-do list. great.
I need to sort out my thoughts. .... .... er. nope. i need to let go of some thoughts. yep. that sounds way more correct, given that there is nothing left to solve/sort.
I hate it when i feel this way. But it seems like i'm always feeling like this... haiz. anime-underdose? own problems? thinking too much? seriously, idk.....
headache laaa...... this is the reason why i dislike going out on the streets/ going to town continously on two or more days. 1) tired. 2) headache 3) waste time 4) waste money 5) waste energy. 6) damages the mind and body. 7) take long time to recover.
haiz.
well. at least i got Beard Papa cream puffs^^ although its all eaten up already. haiz. I'm getting more Beard Papas nxt time!!!
Saving up $$ to get birthday presents for ppl, get valentines' choc&sweets, buy bears, wardrobe socialising mission, future Clarke Quay trip, buy manga!
... no more new hmwk up on ncelz... no hmwk on ace learning.... hey maybe no more online assignments! yay~
I. Want. To. See. Bear!!!!!!! and maybe learn dancing? hm.
27th gt outing!! But where on Earth is that meeting place? .... aiyaaaaaaa..... i think i getting lost on that day lor. i confirm mi lu. 100% chop garuantee.
oh goody goody. must go finish up things le. its 0005 hrs on Sunday, 22 nov 09!

2009-11-19T17:46:00.003+08:00

Our most awesome seniors.

Best people on Earth.

More than what you can ever ask for

haiz. the actual photo is very very nice de.... but den i think coz my printer weird weird de.... so scan le become not-so-nice de very nice. er. pretty confusing. nvm. forget it.

2009-11-19T17:21:00.005+08:00

hurh.... what happened these days...?
went to body worlds!!! Super nice. very educational. Plastination-> he is a genius for coming up with that technique! one word: Woah. three words: real eye-opener.
Seniors farewell party!! T_T i dun wan seniors graduate. haiz. so sad so sad so sad so sad so sad..... how sad? real sad.

wah. everything summarised neatly. hur. coz i nvr blog immediately after the events ma. (heck. the last time i touched the com is the last time i blogged) den i lazy go recall le.
ytd went to interview!! and.... i got in! haha. starting training from monday. McCafe!
so now i must chiong fin all homework.... haiz. i just finished a&e maths hmwk and the chinese compo and half of the chinese newspaper reflection =.= sian. oh. chem TYS MCQ also done la (uhh... i did that in preparation for EOY. just dig out the foolscap paper can le) still left:
Physics ( SQSS EOY P1, P2 & self study 2 chpts)
English (reading articles & 5 newspaper reflection & 2 compre & 2 book review & 1 movie review) oh. i found Gone With The Wind as one of the books! haha. but the book is freaking 10 cm tall, 18 cm long, 8 cm wide =.= decided to use Stormbreaker as movie review.
Chinese (1 compre & 1 1/2 newspaper reflection)
Chemistry ( TYS. All chpts taught, structured)
Biology ( the freaking 5 research essay & self study sec 4 topics)
Social Studies ( 2 essays )
yea. thats about all. quite alot left.... bleh. must chiong finish all (hopefully) by this week!

... oh i got a haircut today. the person was horrible to my poor hair.... tugging it all around and stuffs. stupid. and dun even ask abt the haircut. its horrible. think i have to do some work on my hair myself. maybe have to trim or re-cut.... haiz.

2009-11-07T18:18:00.003+08:00

feeling better =.=
oh i realised i forgot to post abt chem spa....
basically, i dropped one level after submitting my paper even though the spa was easy like... uh... there's nothing easier than that spa.
so, how come i drop one level in that super duper easy spa? hm. lets see.... (uh. cannot reveal anything regarding the spa.... hm.) i used the value 10 cm^3 instead of 25 cm^3. Vague enough. ppl wun noe what i'm talking abt... but... oh well.
I seriously suck suck suck.... at science. especially at practical. but i suck more at humanities. so the main thing is, i suck at everything =D yep. thats one truth i'm telling.
uh.
hm.
Watching Naruto Shippuuden =)) =D :D XD XD XD XD
it cheers me up greatly
--------------------
Wa Liaooouuuuuuu.............. Naruto Shippuuden had to stop at the exciting exciting exciting part! >< ><
Jiraiya T_T so sad....... T_T
nxt: Itachi T_T T_T T_T
... I DUN WAN LAAAAAAA
but. its alrdy written.... T_T
I'm sooo re-watching Naruto! after O lvls. next year. or when the whole series ends with a real ending.
argh! bth bth bth bth......
...
I'm going to read the manga!

2009-11-07T12:15:00.003+08:00

super sian. watching (well, actually listening to it) 'drama' again. yea. Family fight drama. ya la. MY 'family'. =.= stupid. why cant they leave us ALONE?
frustrating. irritating.
pek cek.
!#$%^&*(@#$%^&*(*&

going off in case i spew vulgarities.
pek cek.

2009-11-05T22:48:00.010+08:00

oh go away. i'm just crapping about my thoughts.

Draw the line between fantasy and reality.
fantasy does not equate to reality
just as dreams does not equate to events to happen.
whatever written in novels, manga, drama does not happen in real life.

when you think its going to happen
and you carry out some actions in hope to secure the possibility,
it slips away from you
and you realise that everything is just a one-sided imagination on your part
just as you feel the wind and see the sky,
but you can never touch or catch it, no matter how hard you try
or how long you stretch out your hand.

sometimes things just doesn't work.
Of course everyone understands that.
But, some people still want to try and create their small miracle.
more than 90% of the people who tries, fails.
more than 60% of the people who succeed cannot maintain the miracle.
Even if the miracles happens and lasts,
a century later, all these miracles will vanish. Poof! like magic.
What remains? Stories of heartache, sadness and regrets.
Heartache and sadness of losing it due to illness, death, misunderstandings
Regrets of why things end this way and why didn't you do something then.

Its not anyone's fault.
But things just doesn't work out in our way.
Rumours, backstabbing, accidents, misunderstandings
everything just happens and things just ends that way.
Why? you ask.
I'm afraid no one has the answer to that.

& so, i limit myself. NO interacting No caring NO thinking.

2009-11-05T20:44:00.013+08:00

wah. tmr chem spa...... zzz. super sian. got first shift=.= must stay until lock up.
ytd got a weird dream. AGAIN. why liddat one..... i dun rmb having weird dreams like the ones i have recently before sec 3..... out of the 3 or 4 weird weird dreams i had, 2 or 3 have the same person involved. super creepy >< but den not nightmare leh... z. why liddat one.
maybe i should go and have my dreams interpretated or smth......
extended programme didn't turn out as badly as i thought. Still abt the same as normal lessons... without LE, CME, PE (wah all the 'E's) and assembly.... oh and it starts later and ends earlier.

最爱还是你这是我的决定
像宇宙相对的星互相吸引慢慢就会靠近
还是要爱你时间会证明我爱你的勇气
牵着你的手才知道是永久

想手牵手甜蜜的往下走
没有了你的我该拿什麽继续等待

... I need to get a haircut and my manga and, perhaps, sunglasses + new clothes?? (my wardrobe only has outdoor outfit for abt 3 days. thats it.) oh crap i hate to buy clothes =.= but my wardrobe needs some new friends. its anti-social..... like me =] ... ah crap.

2009-11-01T22:41:00.002+08:00

Watching Secret now =) lol. watch before le... but still hopelessly hooked on it. as usual, jia lat me. sian leh. tmr still need go school.
kena locked out. si bei sian. still very sian. oh well.
not really feeling well + leg hurts. but still cannot pon lesson =.=

2009-10-31T21:58:00.008+08:00

'親愛的我只求擁抱你一秒讓心跳解釋沒有了你不能跳
再一次因為你把自己燃燒哪怕這世界毀滅我也只要你愛我'....
haiz. humans arh... so so so complicated... and weird. sianz.
zai lor. cousin wedding also can make into political & 'family' fight..... =.= even more zai. other ppl offend her, absolutely not my fault, i did nothing.... den she angry, throw temper at ME. wth... just what did i do?!?!?!? the ppl oso la. any events= look for bro... ask bro represent and stuffs.... reason? "aiya. pretend mah. put up a good front. dun disgrace" BLEHH. dun make me puke. I value my dinner.
Well. not like i want to be involved in these la. going on for more than one year (well.... a few more months to two years) le. situation on goes from bad to worse. never turns for the better. I wonder.... are ppl that free? you shi mei shi oso can make big trouble. wth la. stupid. mess up my life. my already-sucky life. I pity my cousin. she is super nice and kind la..... den ppl send out nonsensical wedding invitation..... causing outburst of unending anger.... haiz. Hope she has a happy wedding dinner =]
hm. my sec 3 life is officially over ytd. happy-got promoted to sec 4, results not bad. no more tests for nxt two months. sad-O lvl, S.P.A. coming. SOON. nxt yr must chiong like siao. sian.
--------------------------
ytd: alarm rang at 5.40am.... <-- normal waking time for this week. den cause planned to pon school, so went back to sleep. woke with a start at 6+. "omg. today need take report book & have maths lesson before recess (maybe can watch wo men zhe yi jia)" so decided to go to school. Lai Chuang til 7+. when cannot lai anymore (no more mood to lie in my soft, comfortable, expensive bed) so went to prepare to go to school SLOWLY. took own sweet time to get ready and to walk to bus stop. rch bus stop at 7.35. bus came at 7.40 (wah so early...) decided to wait for 7.50 bus. read novel... bus came. board bus. overshot bus stop on purpose =] side gate not open. walked slowly to front gate. saw mr ong. (wth) greeted him. marked attendence. walked to class Slowly. rch class at 8.05. haha. den got post exam activity.... prize presentation=).... Debate!
cleaned projector (wah super super dirty). got back report book. band aft school. played brand new piece+new piece. sort of kena scold. (inner joke: becoz chin bee not here XDXD) no la. is becoz we too nub le. must attend training for novices. Whole Section.
watched DN-the last name. lol. even though watched countless times alrdy, i'm still hopelessly hooked on the movie. jia lat me.
stayed awake to 6.30 this morning. was redrawing the 'manga' (jeannie kept nagging at me). sian. only finish drawing the cover page. super slow progress. 2 hrs.... one cover page.
-----------
today woke up at 12++++. slack. use comp. read novel. still usin comp.
read aalteam.bs.com~ super super funny. XDXDXD
got the hell annoyed out of me. never thought someone so nice and good and smart and........ could be so rude. ... ok maybe its just me. heck. i said before. let it end. (sadly it hardly seem possible) ok fine forget it. -pissed (a bit).
mixed feelings... haiz. ok enough crapping/ranting/trashing.

2009-10-28T22:05:00.004+08:00

haiya. nowadays so boring one. although sometimes fun la. but still mostly boringgggg....
Today kena "bullied" by that ducky douglas =.= but mostly i pissed him off and made him pek cek.... so cant really blame him la XD and i dunno how ppl with super fertile imagination can even link me being "bullied" to maths genius. like, huh? got link meh??!!??? O.o =.= zzz
Band.... sian ji buarhhhh.... coz my playing went from bad to worse.... and my playing sucks to begin with..... haiz. as usual. must add oil....... oh slacked a bit during sectionals =P went to watch guys playing basketball. aiya. who tell them to always set dates of basketball matches on wed and fri..... liddat band ppl cant watch lehh!!! so of course must watch when got time or chance to watch la. But nvr see them play the 3v3 match in the end.... dunno if its postponed or finish le... haiz.
Today mrs ng suddenly let us watch Wo Men Zhe Yi Jia (cartoon) lol. super funny super cute super lame.... laughed til stomach pain. but still had lessons =.= sian la..... aft EOY must have lessons, chiong for O lvl..... (O-Me-God... 10Nov chinese!!) den still have post Exam activities.... haiz. nvm la. aft this week will be Holiday!!! ... After two weeks of extended programme la.
I Want A Haircut!!! but dunno go where cut..... haiz. Ok... That was random.
Hm. Managed not to go Dentist's on Tues coz the appointment was scheduled for morning & the dentist car is not open!! haha. Happily skipped.
erm. forgot what happened le.... too lazy to remember.
Super tired.... I juz wanna sleep.............. haiz. feel like skipping school tmr. what a cheerful thought =) although i cant carry it out coz my mother and sis and bro will/might scream at/scold me like mad if i do...
how depressing can reality get?... This and That is SO getting out of my life! >< Oh. Sis gave me a mini fat fat elephant ytd =) says her friend gave her aft winning it at some arcade games. lol. its furry and its soft and its cute and its husks(sp) is protruding from its legs! talk about weird... But its still cute! (minus the ugly meaning)*yawn* *tired*
I really very very tired le. I dun want to keep craning my neck, searching for That, and having my eyes glued on it. I dun want to be affected by each and every move That makes, each and every word That says, each and every expression that appears on That's face and eyes. I dun want any spreading stuffs to cause any annoyance or inconvenience or irritation for That. I dun want to be going way wayyyy out of my way just to have a chance of seeing That. I'm really tired of all this.... May Time Allow All These To Fade Away.
Haiz. Go and do my own things le. No point continuing crapping and randoming and laming and emoing here.
It Shall All End Here. This very year, This very month, This very day, This very hour, This very minute, This very second. Let it end.....

2009-10-22T16:57:00.005+08:00

urgh. today started off nicely and happily (chatting frm first hour(s) of e day and watching Hana Kimi aft tt) but i should've known better than to believe that smiles would stay with me the whole day. halfway through, it took a downturn and my mind is pretty much messed up now. talk abt crap. (creepy crappy? lolssssss.) oh. i so DON'T believe 好心有好报 now. =.= thanks fr making me believe and shattering my mindset within 24 hrs..... (well. all that is pretty much my own fault. i thought too much) why is it that nice nice nice ppl who totally totally deserve super good/nice things dun get it? its just so so so unfair. and it pretty much ruined my day. and why should things tt dun concern me affect me? gr ><
just what the hell is wrong with me?? i cant really think properly now. i think its due to lack of sleep la. sleeping at like, 3++ to 4++.... add having a throbbing headache and a hyperactive&happy mind to that. insomnia of some sort results and you dun get quality sleep. well. thats what happened to me ytd... or should i say today coz its 3++ or 4++ in today's morning. this shows one thing: following ur impulses isn't always good. though it felt good... haiz.
post-exam activities starting tmr. sianz. never really liked those....
what a long day today was. or shld i say is, since today is not over yet. i believe tomorrow..... will be an even longer day coz tmr gt band! ahh! i think i forgot how to play le. and i think i need to go through intensive training. and i think they are giving us intensive training. is that good or bad? one thing for sure: its sad.
sad to see Trumpet's yi shi ying ming got ruined. all my fault.
sad to realise (a long long long... time ago) that my playing really sucks.
sad to hear the Trumpets being so soft. yala. thats mostly my fault again (i cant play loud & chin bee is playing loud le)
sad to say that i dun think i am good enuf to be a senior/sergeant ... lemme rephrase that.
sad to say that i am not good enough to be a senior/sergeant. yep. that sounds much better.
so, how much sadder can it get? zzz.
i.must.take.intensive.training.Seriously.
O lvl starting. wish seniors best of luck =) &hope tt i can manage the A1 for chinese.
i'm going off somewhere else to emo.

2009-10-21T23:36:00.005+08:00

oh man. didn't intend to use com one... today my motive for usin com is very very simple. i had to finish the OVERDUED pe quiz on ncelz.... =.= totally forgot abt it until today.
today got back most of the results. =) didnt fail any subs! (so far la) but phy, eng, ss, a maths result not as gd as CT2 de. nvm. coz pass jiu ok le^^ i wun care abt anything else~~ hehe. I PASSED A. MATHS!!!!!!!! && I TOTALLY believe 好心有好报 now^^ not me la. i whr gt 好心 one. is 好心人 help me la^^ happyyyyyyyyy-
today pe i very slack (oh pls luh. which pe lesson i not slack one) volunteered to be 'captain' as soon as game starts. coz captain's ball de slackest person is e captain! hahas. den at the end of pe, everybody sweat like hell. only me still clean clean one XD coz i never move around much. today alot of ppl super enthu lor. dunno why. but gt some parts quite funny =X
today when going to school, i did my favourite past time^^ well. one of my favourite past times. i stared up at the Sky~ the Sky is one of the best arts i've ever seen. today de Sky blue blue with a hint of white^^ very very nice^^ dunno why suddenly felt like bloggin abt it. hurh. weird. But the Sky is really very very beautiful^^
today morning wanted to be late (as in purposely late) so i went to 7-11 to buy H-TWO-O first^^ aiya i have to bring water to school ma. so go and buy lor. can drag time oso wad^^ But it appears that i am meant to be on time for school today. missed 7.10 de bus. by right late le. but bus came around 7.15 so rched school on the dot=not late.
ROAR. Why on days when i want to get to school on time, the bus pang seh me and run off, making me late and on days when i want to be late, the bus suddenly 良心发现 and take me to school on time? talk abt weird. lol. YanLing on the 7.15 bus oso. she heng not late.
wah. suddenly feel like spamming ppl's tagboard =X i think i better dun.... coz i lazy to think of who's blog to go XD
nothing
to
say.
crap lor. thats how i kept the blog alive wad.
I think i today no nid sleep ler. Found super duper nice drama & movies online. want to watch!! adapted from manga!! i wan read the manga!! i wan watch anime!! But tmr got school & dental check-up... (arhhhhh.... i dun like dentists! ><)
hm. ok i noe Hanazakarino Kimitachihe (taiwan ver.) aired like 9652851234 years ago... But i gotta say.... me <3 梁思南, <3 司馬樹, <3 金秀伊, <33 梅田!!! wah hahahahahaha....... =.= diao. zz. ok la. lame la. but i really like these characters^^
ok. think me missing these characters (wah. i juz finished reading the manga like not so long ago) therefore, me go re-watch Hana Kimi!! (for the nth time) and i wan watch Fugoh Keiji!! yay^^ GO WATCH LE! WHO CARES ABT SCHOOL TMR. IMPULSES ARE MORE IMPT!!!
----------------
me feeling smiley smiley happy happy after msn chat =)))) =DDDDDDDDDD
its makes me feel weird to be this happy. ^o~ lol. nvm nvm nvm nvm..... enjoy while it lasts. its a nice nice way to start off a new day^^ hope tmr oso can happy happy.

2009-10-20T21:42:00.002+08:00

Hm. What happened these few days...??
Finished chionging Hanazakari no Kimitachi e (like finally) lol? Naruto Shippuuden still chionging! Read the House of Night novels too. erm. how to say... quite bimbo/bitch perspective the book has... but well.... The plot not bad luh^^ yea... not bad not bad. (I prefer Twilight saga though... NOT the movie)
Movie outing ytd wif many ppl^^ watched 500 days of Summer (Autumn... lols) and.... the movie.... erm. not a typical type of movie la. no climax and stuffs. but.... could i say its a pretty interesting take on the story? O.o? outing quite fun I guess? but could be better if SOME ppl juz shut up about things with no solid evidence la.
went Qi En hse to bake brownie and milo agar today. (Qi En says the end products are horrible. lols?) gt Pei Yi and Jia Lin oso^^ Jaslyn and Qiao Po came afterwards. I spent time disrupting and doing no work (woa. am i supposed to feel guilty? i think so...) anyway. I think the products are edible la. Just not very tasty.
not elaborating on the outings^^
Wah.... tmr must go back nchs..... >< blehh. I.Dun.Wan!!!! Spare me the agony of looking at the test papers..... i think i will hypervantilate and faint due to an increased concentration of oxygen in my body as the breathing control centre/medulla oblongata(sp) will switch off..... arh. why am i crapping here =.= Well. that is obviously exaggerated la. i alrdy said i wun care a hoot abt the results until i face my sis with it. I dun wanna wake up early tmr!!! I wanna pon school... Since there is no band tmr.... But i guess thats impossible.... gotta check papers and stuffs. Gr. stupid. oh. and then theres chinese 'O' lvl nxt month. sianzzz.z. and then theres S.P.A. accessment also. double sianzzz.z. add in remedials and extra lessons and band practices and hol hmwk to that pile. i think like, 3/4 of my holiday is gone le can... =.= no, no. i think it shld be 7/8 of it gone. zzz. sua la. headache. I still dun wan go school tmr.
ARGH! Why cant i find the music score for #19, Angel from Secret? pek cek pek cek.
Listen to the melody.
Hear the rhythm.
Feel the beat.
...
lols. what can i say? Feel like writing a compo now. ... nah. i still have to finish drawin the comic if not ltr jeannie complain again.

That silhouette... Is what I've been looking for. But. It won't turn around or stop. Its like an endless search/chase, isn't it?

2009-10-17T14:59:00.007+08:00

Exam.Is.Finally. OVER!!!!!!!!!!
WOOTS!
What can I say? HAPPY SLACKING, BRAIN! NO MORE CHIONG STUDYING WHOLE SEC 3 SYLLABUS IN ONE (or half) DAY BEFORE EXAMS!!!! My brain feels relieved. And ultimately i feel super relieved and relax as well^^ I'M SO NOT GONNA CARE A HOOT ABOUT THE RESULTS! (er. maybe i will. until the time i face my sis with my results, that is)
ANIME HERE I COME
MANGA HERE I COME
PSP-HARVEST MOON HERE I COME
oh-so-delicious WINE/LIQUOR/CHAMPAGNE HERE I COME
INTERNET HERE I COME
and most importantly of all.....
my Inviting, Warm, Comfortable, Soft, Big (ok, maybe not very big) BED!!!
周公!! 准备和我下棋吧!!!!!!
heehee

so ytd the horrible exams ended. i'm so sure i fluncked like, everything (except A maths.<-- given my maths standard, i MIGHT pass the exam! so i dun think i fluncked it^^) crapped and chilled with Jia Lin at CP.... ate ice-cream... brought some stuffs (with the big help jia lin gave me) went to mess up shu wei's house^^ den all 3 of us slacked and bored and crapped until, what, 5+? lol. went home. watch tv.(wah haven done that in ages) ate. slept like hibernating. (ARH! I MISSED WHY WHY LOVE.... nvm. i go borrow the vcd in hols) Today. woke up. 8+ (wah so early ah) watch tv.... sian. went back to sleep again. woke up. use com til now. eh. haven eat yet. nvm la hor. Its. Slacking. Time...!!!
-------------------------------
enjoying my BREEZER^^ haha. i'm not drunk. i never got drunk before^^
i think i'm trying Vodka or Whisky or Martell or XO (erm. maybe not XO) next. ...? ok maybe not.
uh. i juz realised i haven ate anything yet.

2009-10-09T21:42:00.002+08:00

Haiz. I had a bad yet good week. How amusingly contradicting....
Good week coz:
-Listened to Muttons To Midnight with the most awesome deejays and on the most awesome 987fm =) they super cute and funny! XD listening to them (and the songs) while studying helps!
-No lessons after tues!! AND I totally pon-ed that mad sow/cow Shen de useless CME lesson.
-today de A Maths. I THINK I FINALLY GOT HOPE CAN PASS LE!!!! YAYYYYYYY!!!! Thanks to the teach-me-until-wanna-pek-cek nicest guy- Red One Bear^^
-I am NOT late even for a single time this week!! no de-ten-tion!
-4 PAPERS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!! (EL, SS, HCL, A MATHS)
Bad week coz:
-Exam started on Wed. Started mugging & studying last wed or thurs. >< brain overloading from excessive studying.
-Fell jia lat-ly sick on tues. tissues used up like don't need money liddat.... and now, flu ok le. But kena inflammation at throat there.... sianz. and Exam conducted in hall+air-con. almost kena fever. (aiya. must be my body protesting coz i studied like everyday from last wed/thurs. brain overload.)
-4 more paper to go.... the most tiring paperS (E Maths, Chem, Phy, Bio) OhMeGodddd.....
-& I am still ill.
-&& I CAN'T SIGN IN MSN! ARGHHHH!!!! Must go hammer the windows live msnger le. oh yay! can sign in le^^

Today aft A Maths paper went home straight away to take lunch&medicine. slpt. read Manga & Heidi... ... ... Sianz. Later must revise all remaining 4 subs..... Tmr chiong study chem, phy, bio... Sunday chiong E Maths all e way. well. at least that is the plan.... dunno if will follow through or not.
One Time by Justin Bieber is nicee =)
seems like the horrible bacteria/virus wun leave me alone... haiz.
looks like i'm losing my voice anytime now..... =.=
I wonder why i studied so hard this time..... This year in fact. studied (at eleventh hour) 3 times (3rd time now).... What happened to me...? I miss my super slack, study free days...... But the bad thing is, I cant seem to stop feeling like studying until EOY is over since I have found my motivation to uh... chiong this eoy. wah. bu hui sian la.
I still feel stupid. haiz.
I still plan to brilliantly make better use of my beautiful, happy(?) tues afternoon after eoy^^ which, in other words, means to skip that useless afternoon lesson la. i dun wanna get swine flu.... (hey, i hope pigs dun feel insulted by this comparison)

I dun get it: how can some ppl wear juz anything and still look super nice?

uh. I feel like typing in chinese BUT i forgot how to type the chinese character.... more specifically, I forgot how to input/bring out the chinese keyboard thing. how great is that?
ok. enough crapping.
nothing to say.

2 Oct 09... Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.

2009-10-03T00:37:00.003+08:00

lols. Its 3rd Oct alrdy. nevertheless, happy belated to sw!
Today alot alot of teachers nvr come to class coz they went to sec 4's graduation party. Got super much free period and I, the Devil, miraculously, didn't slack! I did Maths papers! How strange is that? very.
Planned to go home straight aft school... But decided to go library to do maths with Jia Lin, Pei Yi, Qiao Po & Runan. Relatively productive =]
I gotta say, my classmates have super fertile imagination. Anything random oso can link de. Am-I-Shocked.
Smth happened && I Swear Swear Red-One-Bear is the nicest guy! (but I wanted to eat these words after he called me *** again la.. but...)

My motivation haven't run out!! And I can still pay attention in class (although very tired)! Must study hard for EOY!!!

2009-10-02T23:48:00.002+08:00

Been listening to 987fm these days^^ got super nice songs coming up^^

Oooh woah woah
In the heart of the night when it's dark in the lights
I heard the loudest noise- a gunshot on the floor. Oh oh
I look down and my shirt is turnin red.
I'm spinnin round.
Felt her lips on my neck and her voice in my ear.
Like I missed you want you tonight.
Straight through my heart
(A single bullet) got me
I can't stop the bleeding Oh
Straight through my heart
(She aimed and) she shot me
I just can't believe it Oh
No I can't resist and I can't be hit
I just can't escape this love
Straight through my heart
(Soldier Down)My heart
(Soldier Down)My heart
Thought I moved more than on
Thought I could fool her charm
I really wanna go but I can't leave her alone Oh oh
Hear the sound of a love so loud
I just can't I just can't ignore this feeling
She said she misses me
and she wants me wants me tonight
Straight through my heart
(A single bullet) got me
I can't stop the bleeding Oh
Straight through my heart
(She aimed and) she shot me
I just can't believe it Oh
No I can't resist and I can't be hit
I just can't escape this love
Straight through my heart(Soldier Down)
My heart (Soldier Down)
My heart
In the heart of the night when it's dark in the lights
I heard the loudest noise- a gunshot on the floor Oh oh
Straight through my heart
(A single bullet) got me
I can't stop the bleeding Oh
Straight through my heart (Soldier down)
(She aimed and) she shot me. (Soldier down)
I just can't believe it Oh
No I can't resist (I can't resist)
and I can't be hit (No I can't).
I just can't escape this love.
Straight through my heart (Soldier Down)
My heart (Soldier Down)
My heart (Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
Straight through my heart
Straight through my heart (Soldier Down)
My heart (Soldier Down)
My heart (My heart My heart)
Straight through my heart(Soldier Down)
My heart (Soldier Down)
My heart (Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh)
---Backstreet Boys, Straight through my heart

A couple of years and I'm gonna know your name
It's like I waited for you forever
and I know this might sound insane
But it won't be long til' we're gonna take this up
What I'm talking about? Our future love
It's so far away maybe you're right next door
Got me picturing your face again
Something worth waiting for
I put all others behind me, they don't live up
I know what I want what I need to the T
Baby if they ask me
I would say I don't even know your name
And when they ask me: Does it change? No it don't change a thing.
'Cause it's something about the way you love me
There's just something about the way you know me
And I can't explain enough
There's just something about our future love, future love, future love
Something about our future love, future love, future love
Walking hand in hand, going on the second date
I can picture how we're touching and the kiss I can almost taste
I've imagine all the ways we'll meet for the very first time
I can see the place feel the love at first sight
Baby if they ask me
I would say I don't even know your name
And when they ask me: Does it change? No it don't change a thing.
'Cause it's something about the way you love me.
There's just something about the way you know me
And I can't explain enough
There's just something about our future love, future love, future love
Something about our future love, future love, future love
I know the minute you pull up next to me
We standing there like destiny
When it feels like you're fighting just to breathe, that's when you know
The minute I pull up next to you suddenly you don't know what to do
Everything inside you says that I'm the one
(Baby if they ask me
I would say I don't even know your name
And when they ask me: Does it change? No it don't change a thing.
'Cause it's something about the way you love me
There's just something about the way you know me.
And I can't explain enough. )2x
There's just something about our future love, future love, future love
Something about our future love, future love, future love
Future love.....
-----Kristinia DeBarge, Future Love

2009-09-26T15:05:00.003+08:00

I know i can manage memorising eight textbooks if i really want to. I credit myself for my unique stubborness that i will finish what i REALLY want to do at any expense. But. i got a severe headache from a few words/sentence & an even more severe headache as i try to figure out a solution (not by adding water) for that. I know i really want to bash ppl up now. But i cant before i get to the bottom of this. and i admit. this is getting me no where and it is not good.
oh i juz kena con yet again...... and i cant get angry as usual. haiz. and whose fault was it (indirectly) that i couldnt pay attention in class? hn. ... lol.
er. no mood to blog le. i'm going to:
read manga
study
do homework
do stuffs tt i promised to do
try to get the problem solved.

&& so i made a promise

-------------------------------------------
(edited 27 Sept)
dun ask me why i didnt type this on a new post. i juz dun feel like typing a new one.
... ok fine. i thought this through. I think i found my motivation for studying (woots! finally! after a month of struggling!). && on someone's mian zi (face) i think i will 'pay attention in class'. If i cant, at least I tried.
lol. didn't eat any meal today and ytd. juz ate bread & some junk food & drank liquid. i too lazy to go downstairs to buy my meals le.... i wasn't hungry ytd la so nvr eat meal. i woke up today at 3PM so i figured it wun make much sense for me to buy lunch/dinner (er. juz another of my lame excuse)
ooh. 12.00AM. i need to go study & sleep(later) le!

=(

2009-09-24T23:06:00.004+08:00

Things change. Soon, i will start studying for EOYs..... er. Actually i supposed to start studying like long ago.... But i juz couldn't find the motivation.... Even up till now, i haven't found my motivation..... bad news.
Bio test tmr. haven study yet. Chem test nxt mon. haven study yet. physics & maths test nxt week. haven study yet. uh-oh.
chionging holiday de climate change essay now.... haiz. oh. i think there's english test tmr also. aiyo. how come more tests are conducted when EOY is approaching? O.o
ytd school made us attend the how to manage ur time well and plan for success stuffs. well i spent most of the time doodling on my paper =) suddenly felt like doodling mah. Den beside me got ppl pose good good for me to draw le (well. actually is ppl sit there only la. den the pose is nice =) so i draw =P)... bu hua bai bu hua, since its free + can kill time + can cheer me up =)) But i did pay attention to the speaker. lol. the contents are quite useful i guess.
Slept at 4+am ytd. was doing homeworkS and drawing stuffs.... Before i knew it, it is 4am alrdy. slept for two & half hr den went to school with a headache. Planning to sleep at 2+ today. must read bio and finish homework first. Estimated time of going to bed: 2.30am. (well. at least can sleep for 3-4 hrs)
Dunno why these few days still have extreme mood change. can hyper one second and emo another second. Wonder whats happening......
I NEED TO FIND MOTIVATION... After chionging for mid year and CT2, no more motivation left..... (wah. never study so much before. last time at most study once a year) EOY! in 12 days! OhMiGawd OMeGod..... whole sec 3 stuffs..... must memorise & understand & know how to solve. (me?? do all three? impossible....)
hm. try out the steps to success.
1) (Set a goal.) I want to get at least 5 A1s. No grades below B4 allowed! ... .... ... aiya stop lying to myself. Bio maybe can chiong to B3 if work really hard. Eng maybe can get B4. But.... Maths? S.S.? haiz. Maths = gone case. i think luck ran out at CT2 alrdy. & I dun understand what maths is about. sure die. (huh. must practice TYS...........) S.S.: i totally suck at SS & history stuffs. MY HUMANITIES FAIL ONE (except Geog.) Sec 1: failed Lit once or twice or thrice. Sec 2: failed history twice or thrice or four times (at least). Well. one of the major reasons why i chose this stream. can escape history^^ But high risk coz only got elec geog & SS for humanities. if fail = gone case. =(
Tmr have band. must practice the San Pei piece. Jia Lat. cannot really play yet. Thank god Adrian & Evan got play with us. If not, sure die. Will put in all my hard work in band after EOY. cannot keep depending on seniors & Chin Bee. Add oil!
Essay not done yet...... haiz. dun feel like doing it.
oh. I am soooo NOT doing the CME stuffs. dun see the point of submitting work to a SOW. and the SOW is one of the lowest EQ and IQ and moral. I mean, come on. that stupid idiotic BITCH Shen (hey i'm actually being nice here. I blocked out all vulgarities)? EQ & IQ & moral? I suspect she dun even have a brain for that matter. so, IQ & EQ = dun have la. worse than zero. maybe its negative to infinity. moral? by lying and creating tension between students? by anyhow judging students? bleh. no moral at all. i bet i had more moral than her at the age of 0, not to mention now. (what la. Devil also have moral one) & how dare she tell me to stop doing my stuffs. and still ask Teng to tell me worh. stupid, brainless slut shen. If not on Teng's mian zi (face) I wun even bother abt her can. ... aiya. that stupid, fat, short, brainless, kao pei kao bu, ugly, moral-less, idiotic sow. no use bothering. she is not worth my attention. My attention is reserved for mei li de shi wu (beautiful things). not for mei you yong de shi wu (useless things). Honestly, i couldn't care less abt cme. maybe i will care abt it if Mr Tien was still teaching me la. but, her? no way am i doing it man.
-----
I think i am too destructive for my own good. accidently spoilt douglas's basketball-hanging-by-wallet today. I wonder what i did. Den last time i 'injured' R.O.B's kita pencil case... pulled out one part of the metal 'hook' of jun yuan's pencil case etc etc...... oops. Devil, guo ran bu shi bai jiao de. i'm actually feeling a little guilty for all things i injured/destroyed.
Bullied Bio Tank today XD XD XD XDDDDDDDDD
lol. Jia Lin was so happy bullying douglas these few days. XD like a kid. only jia lin is way smarter & likable & funnier than real kids.
I noticed that our class have a lot of 'grown-up kids'. cannot finish counting using both hands.
Uh. must stop blogging & crapping, start doing hmwk.
benkyo suru!
-------------------
shocked. just saw sms cheng york sent me. 'huh' was all i can manage. still shocked.

260th post!

2009-09-21T20:00:00.002+08:00

ugh. I feel guilty. Supposed to use com for chionging of homework.... but i ended up reading manga and chatting and finding music and stuffs.... so.... yea. I conveniently forgot about doing homework. Its 8+ now. I turned on com at like, 2.20?? uhhh..... bad. very bad. I FORGOT TO WATCH ANIME!!!! .... actually no. i wanted to wait till 6 eps come out den chiong it all in one day^^ but den.... my homework... and exams are coming..... 2 weeks.... or izzit down to 1 week?? haiz. sigh.
I think my brain is going faulty...... and there is something wrong with me..... seriously wrong.......
I NEED to:
1) start studying and revising
2) collect my manga and stuffs alike^^
3) fix my personality disorder and my brain
4) faster complete all homework
5)chiong finish all novels.
6) do a much better job of playing on my trumpet. -urgent.
7)stop having moodswings or change of mindset or change of personality.
and the list goes on and on. blah blah.
bought alcohol ytd^^ but cant drink today.... EVEN THOUGH ITS HOLIDAY! Coz.... tmr got school. I dun wanna risk getting a hangover.... although i hardly get one. i think i never got one before.... despite of all the wine and stuffs i drank....
haven eat a decent meal since.... ytd. cant feel hunger now.
... maybe i'll continue slacking. at most kena scolding tmr for not completing hmwk. no big deal.

2009-09-17T20:12:00.004+08:00

Been re-painting my house in the holidays so the computer was 'sealed off' by the furnitures. LoL. But the re-painting is not half done.
School first week haven end yet... and EOY is in two weeks time. quite hectic, eh? ... What can i say?
Went to Gundam Fiesta @ compass point like, 4 times XDXD got lots lots of pics^^ THE FIGURINES ARE SUPER B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!!! esp. the limited CLEAR edition! OMIGOD OMIGOD... but its event-limited and was sold out T_T If i were rich, i would but one of each figurine there!!!! well. too bad i'm not. T_T
Getting used to life at my own pace. Glad it dun look as messed up as it actually is. Motivation? still searching. lol. Linear law test totally screwed up. no idea wad the question is talking abt at all. crapped my way through and wrote down stupid answers. Nvm. I have never been good in any subjects. I realised how much i DISLIKED p.e. & how powerful ms oh's hypnotising charms are & how annoying mr seah is... Oh. and not to mention how short, f.ugly and idiotic that horrible slut is. She's juz being jealous abt how most ppl in 3A are taller, slimer, better and smarter than her.
Feels like the sky is falling down.....
Going to school is like, torture..... Have to be withdrawn and stuffs at certain times in order to adapt faster. Well. plans change. arrrangements change. people change. You can do nothing but try to adapt to it. But, how much can i try to adapt? I feel my limit.....
Fate mocks people. Destiny controls; drawing and repelling people and things. But how do we know what is fated and whats not? what is destined and whats not? Or is there no fate, no destiny, no coincidences but only games and lies? Then what are we living for? Or are we just dolls and puppets, controlled by others who treat us as pawns and place us in our 'life' in order to kill their time and amuse themselves? Deception and Truth... Which is more hurting? Seeing truths but trying to deceive urself to lessen the pain or seeing and hearing Lies while you know the entire truth?
What is Absolute? What is Forever? Nothing but beautiful lies to deceive the ignorant. What is Right? What is Wrong? There is but a thin line dividing it. Its hard to see and judge.
What is the End? What is the Beginning? Is the end not a beginning for something? Is the beginning not the end of something? So how do we define it?
我真的累了. I am really tired.... But i will not show my weakness to others. i have no rights to. I will not remove my tough front, even if it means i will be misunderstood and be alone.
振り返れなくて昨日をただひとり揺れる想い
I see that silhouette. I hear that voice. I feel the presence. But i will not approach it for fear of internal breakdown and crumbling of my hard work.
watashi no Kokoro.... dokodesu ne?

2009-09-05T22:02:00.003+08:00

Drinking avocado milk blend now. its nice =)) specially blended by my mum coz she bought avocadoS like dunno when.
Had teacher's day celebration on 31 Aug. lol. the preformance not bad la. but den i spent like half of the time listening to I-an (Ian la) talking. lol.
Runan b-dae on 1st Sept. lol. went east coast cycle and stuffs. quite fun. but poor shao zchuen lost his hp =( and ppl got drenched. but overall nice la =) Teng singing 'Sorry Sorry' is super hilarious.
3rd Sept. Qi Min b-dae. forgot abt it on 3rd, but remmebered today. uh. what is wrong with me? haiz.
4th Sept. Quite freaked out by Red One Bear. Hope he's okay.
Had SPELLing bee at S.P. with Ser Lin, Jia Lin and Jeannie. oh Mrs Chew went with us =)) quite fun except for the studying part (chiong-ed everything in one & half day) lol. we didn't get in the finals =( but learnt some stuffs yea. THE GUY REPRESENTING BUKIT PANJANG dunno team A or B HAS NICE HAIR =)
Went to band aft SPELLing bee. quite lame. only play for 10 mins, but BIG WHITE BUNNY a.k.a. Adrian and EVANGELINE got come back =D =)) sad that Lay Wen and Jia Hui didn't come back. but oh wells. they are busy studying ba!
5th sept. Shine in Harmony =) 3A did real real well! but i feel guilty coz i like super slack. uh.
CPR wasn't fun. the stupid woman with weird weird voice and lousy english keep on kao pei-ing. what the hell is wrong with her. gr. and i dun like the 'breathing for others' part. thank god the rubber smell can be washed off.
I never realised that i am so stupid to the extent that i can kena scammed TWICE in the day and Twice in the night on the same day (total: kena scammed 4 times) and by the same person! (and i actually really believed and was getting my ez-link and handphone and all...) OhMeGawd. i thought usually is i scam ppl one? (to add insult to the injury: i cant get angry at him) ...... I NOT TOY LA.
Toy is:
an object, often a small representation of something familiar, as an animal or person, for children or others to play with; plaything.
a thing or matter of little or no value or importance; a trifle.
something that serves for or as if for diversion, rather than for serious pratical use.
a small article of little value but prized as a souvenir or for some other special reason; trinket; knickknack; bauble.
an animal of a breed or variety noted for smallness of size
to amuse oneself; play.
to act idly; or with indifference: to toy with one's food. (dictionary.com)
And I Am NOT! >< >< ><

2009-08-30T00:11:00.001+08:00

Naruto Shippuuden is niceee~ I stand by what i said: Uchiha Sasuke is S-H-U-A-I de!!
Long filler is finally over, ITS FINALLY BACK ON TRACK!!! YAY!!!!
NOW HAVE ITACHI AND SASUKE AND AKATSUKI!!!!! XDDDDDD
GUNDAM FESTA 2009 GONA BE HELD AT COMPASS FRM SEPTEMBER!!! OMG!!XD
LOAD FINISH LE! BACK TO NARUTO SHIPPUUDEN!
Forever is over, &This is how it ends.

2009-08-29T17:26:00.012+08:00

Quite pissed. Blogger still not fixed. its been like 123456789 days alrdy =.= everything is still white-ish and bright. Eye pain.
anw.... CT2 IS OVER! And my results aren't exactly good. Nvm. i will add lots of oil for EOY which is like, one month from now? GAH.
Dread Friday..... Its the nightmare of every student.......... The parent-teacher meeting... (absolutely disgusting)
Apparently Ms. Ong wants to meet my mum coz she "never met her before" and my mum was like "teacher want to meet? ok lor" and i was hoping she would say NO....... If Ms. Ong starts spewing crap to my mum (I don't think she will la. Ms. Ong is NOT a bitch. she's really nice) I swear swear I.WILL.BE.SO.DEAD. and i wun do any of the assignments she give me ever.

I MUST THANK MR. RED-ONE-BEAR FOR TEACHING ME MATHS!!! I REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCHHHH!!!!! TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FOR TEACHER'S DAY! ---He stayed back one hour after the horrible-until-3.30pm-maths-lesson to teach me. how many teachers,not to mention, classmate/friend(?) would do that? not many. i think can count using one hand. & bad bad Teng + Gerald pang seh-ed him. er. guilty X_X
I am so so soooo going back to my anime and manga. they've been neglected for a whole week coz of CT2... T_T
Oh. did i mention that class seating arrangement changed, AGAIN? Ms. Ong change seating arr. on fri morning (wth la. i was late & got the shock of my day when i entered 3A) AND DEN she made adjustments here and there on fri afternoon and it was like, totally different today. WHAT IS WRONG LA. i HATE sitting infront ok. At least i at average height of Singaporeans (1.6)^^ So, WHY THE HELL AM I SITTING AT THE SECOND ROW FROM FRONT??? i was sitting at the third row on fri.... den everything kena pulled up and BAM! second row! yay =.= I SO SO HATEEE THE NEW SEATING. Not complaining abt Si Hui la. She's nice =)
Why am i sitting near that horrible problematic noisy ppl? I SO made it clear that i DUN DONT DON'T want to be anywhere near her. What happened? huh?
If she come and disturb Si Hui again, i swear i will stare at her real fierce. If she comes and disturb my mornings and afternoons, hurhur. one-way ticket to hell. My endurance ran out on fri alrdy.-
So, i guess this is it. The end of my motivation from before CT. i squeezed out every bit left for CT ok. I am really tired. So THIS IS IT. I shall NOT think abt it anymore. Leaving my emotions behind && resuming my DEVIL character.
Forever is over, and this is the end.
I made up my mind. Leave!

2009-08-23T16:26:00.001+08:00

Guilty. Not studying.
Pity. Motivation gone
Searching. Mood.
Abandoned. Toy.(?)
Must-do. Study.
How? Don't know.
Physics. Halfway through.
Tomorrow. Jia lat.
No emotions... Moodless... Where is my motivation? No where to be found. I trust the internet to let me find some motivation, but looks like i'm wrong...? I'm beyond hope.....

Keeping off blogger for awhile....

kaze ni kesareru torinokosareru mune ni kajikamu akogare mo

2009-08-21T17:30:00.000+08:00

CT2 started today.... ytd used 4 hrs to chiong SS and din study eng (aiyo eng how to study??) aiya.... confirm die liao X_X Eng gone case SS sure fail T_T forget it. i will try to do better for other subs.
Oh. i totally fluncked the A math coordinate geometry.... its.a.fail. literally fail. So much for Red-One-Bear teachin me... i feel guilty. Super duper guilty X_X
Feel super guilty on tues or wed. moodswing laaa.... pai seh.... dunno why sort of flared up (abit)... Physics is a mood changing stimulator. gr.
Changed to exam seat on Wed. Super sian + super sad. I miss the scenery at the windows...... I used to my seat and the ppl around me le..... T_T more than one month le leh.... (wah din notice until now. time passes quickly) Currently tryin to get used to life in index order... Its hard. Its very hard. But i think i'll manage. Life goes on whether u r sad or happy.
Spent Thurs emo-ing and watching guys play arm-wrestling. Had bad bad flu for third time. Flu was even brought into the class. I BLAME ALL THE THREE FLUS ON RED-ONE-BEAR. Still trying to get used to seating arrangement.
Today not so emo. I hide my emo-ness well ok!! Flu was gone as i ate three 'Noco' pills. works well? test super jia lat. end of story. smth happened aft school. Hope everyone and esp. 'ceh meh' is ok by now. Pray hard for EVERYONE's well-being and safety!!!! *pray* *Bai4Bai4* Hope it works.
watch ppl play bball again today.
It rained today. cant tell how much i like the rain. it brings out the emoness and sadness and washes it away thoroughly. although it accumulates again. haiz. fighting my lazy+loves sleeping self. ITS ONLY BEEN TWO DAYS SINCE CHANGING OF SEATS!!!! Why doesn't the hardworking 'me' stay for a little longer? grr..... I feel like sleeping in every class now. i.need.motivation..... I blame this on the change of seats. (and it is so totally the change of seat's fault.)

Change, is the only constant.
When nothing changes, something is wrong.
But why does change happen so fast??
'Hope' is what brings sadness and disppointments
but it also brings happiness. Talk abt being ironic.
Seems like nothing is reverting back.
Confirmed that the previous seating cant be done anymore.
Am i too frustrating or am i bringing trouble to others?
Am i actually the one at fault?
Honestly, i dunno.... i dunno anymore...

ITS BOTHERING ME.